I think I am worked up because I don't want to take $hit from her. I don't want to be pushed into any conversation that I don't want to have, like about 'us'. I can give her some idea of what that would look like for me, but I am not going into a long discussion about our intimacy issues. I think it's irrelevant at this point unless she wants to work on the MR.
When we were married, one of our issues was that we wouldn't have arguments. We were both conflict avoiders and the times when we would have an argument - almost always started by her - then I would just focus on resolving it and placating her even if I disagreed with whatever she was saying.
A new M would approach conflict productively - both of us would voice our feelings and then work together to solve the issue. We would bring issues to the table and not sweep them under the rug. I would also put my needs on the table on the issue and what I thought of it instead of trying to 'fix' it or resolve it as soon as possible. I would also not be scared by her anger and stand up for myself in a calm cool way. I would walk away if she was using me as a punching bag.
I think that would be a good start to managing conflict in a healthy way. Also, not to shy away from it but be proactive in dealing with it.
