Matrix, I am going to be re-reading your post and J-dawg's post to get my mind and heart ready for this convo.
But something you said, I just want to vocalize my thoughts on it. I don't think you meant it this way, but I was thinking about my boundaries and what I will accept and what I won't tolerate.
She can be the 'crazy loose cannon' and that's fine, but I won't be yelled and screamed at. If she does that, I am ending the convo. I won't be disrespected.
I understand she's angry, but I am not going to be her punching bag. I am also angry and I have not treated her as a punching bag. She can be angry, but if it's yelling and screaming, I am ending the convo.
If she admits to OM and dating and all of that, I am ending the convo. I won't sit there being disrespected and I am certainly not okay with an open marriage.
Also, there is no 'us' conversation unless she wants to work on the MR. If she asks what that would look like, I will give her a couple of things that would be non-negotiable for me - like MC.
Also, I am not interested in being her 'friend'.
As far as I can see, there are only two dimensions to our relationship moving forward. 1) we work together as co-parents and I am there 1000% with her on that. I can be cordial, friendly, and cooperative; 2) we work on 'us', which has a number of things that I'd want as part of the process.
If she tells me all kinds of things that I believe is revisionist history and cherry picking, I am not going to argue with her about it and just validate her feelings and try to not get into it too much. I don't want to be defending myself or arguing with her over minutae at this point. But, I want her to know that I am listening to her actively and it's registering.
One of the issues is that I don't wear my heart on the sleeve and I don't cry often. It's not something I can change over night, or ever. She takes that as me being unemotional and uncaring. I don't know how to fix that. I am not suddenly going to burst into tears in front of her because of whatever she said.
Anyways, just putting down some thoughts and wanting to make sure I am enforcing my boundaries, which are about me, and not taking $hit from her.
