25yearsMLC 10 Later I FILE D part 8

[25yearsmlc]

I'm not sure where the intimacy comes in there^^ but I want to know if he's a low sex drive person. I don't THINK he is but I need to get it out there.

Not sure how. I could just blurt it out (TA DAH! ZING!!)

I'd have the same concern, 25. I can understand not wanting to jump into a physical relationship right away, but a guy who is planning in this much detail in advance - I dunno, just seems a little off to me. And low drive (or performance issues) might be an explanation.

I did ask b/c I agree it could mean a deal breaker. So I broached it and we had a very VERY open discussion, and I feel reassured in this area. He is not a low sex drive person - kind of laughed when I asked -and said he kept his vows but "no, not b/c of lack of desire-

But as you know there's only one way to find out.

I'm almost afraid to say this but - I don't see how another man can hurt me the way h has and I won't be investing 35 years and 3 kids and MANY moves for another man,

and I feel like forged steel. I will again give love freely, and if it's not returned in kind, I'll move along.

I'm going to love whole heartedly or not bother. But I'll know that no matter what happens, I will survive.

This is how I've felt dating. Seriously, what's a little breakup compared to being abandoned by the person you've built your whole adult life with? There are plenty of men in this world and the LAST thing I want to settle for now is someone who doesn't dig me just the way I am.

Amen sister. I have friends who are CRUSHED by the loss of a new relationship and I sort of get it - their shields were up but made of glass. And they crashed hard. I cry for them.

But I just don't feel that way - yet?

And I also don't feel like every relationship has to end up in marriage or a long term commitment - some might just be for a while, and that's ok too if it suits us both at that moment.

YES^^^^ this r with M might be a healing comforting milestone for me, and maybe, maybe that is all it will be. And maybe much more.

In a way, I wish I'd met him later (so I could have my Stella got her Groove Back time).

But casual sex for a woman (never mind the STDs) isn't what the movies pretend it might be. OR so I think.

And timing wise it's great AND bad. Great b/c it's always good to have someone who is a fan and takes time to THINK out why they are fans. At the risk of sounding vain, which I am, I'm an attractive woman yet I cannot recall the last time h complimented my looks. Good grief no wonder I felt unattractive. Great b/c it's helping me heal, while NOT making me feel that M is "rescuing" me. I am rescuing me.

Bad b/c I'm still mired in GDC and wish it was over. M and I try to keep talk of our D's to a few minutes and we do not disparage our former spouses (not much anyway)

I countered h's offer -but I thnk h THINKS a trial will win for him. But as my L said "your h is not a....sympathetic witness...."

no kidding.

Though h told his L he wanted to do a buy out, he is so low balling, it's hard to believe and i don't want him to know of brother's cancer b/c somehow H will see that as a weakness on my "team".

Just to be clear, I'm seeking 25% of h's HUGE salary for 5 years. h makes about 9-10 times more than i will anytime soon. AND The law allows me much more. AND for a lot longer.

And he's spent a year of support already fighting this.

We were together 35 years....(yes I have other assets I get half of, but the spousal support is what is in dispute- and when I tell people the actual piece we are debating, they are horrified he'd hesitate.




All the usual petty dating hardships seem like very small potatoes after the blowup of a long term marriage.

It does to me too. But I know M and I are both leaving long m's and we have been wounded.

But I've done a long year of hard work and M has been sep for 4, with his finalization coming next month. Does not want to officially date (walks and hikes not counting) until it's official. I get that. To an extent---if nothing else, my brother is teaching me Carpe Diem. Tomorrow is promised to no one.

The dance lessons are a way to learn how we work/learn together and if the chemistry lasts. I LOVE TO DANCE

How will M react when I mistake his lead, or when I step on his foot (and God knows I plan on stomping hard!! - you know, just to test)

and I have to admit, H was a great dancer. I fell in love with h on the dance floor...

I told M that in my m, we had danced a long time

M said "well you will need to have a strong new lead & I'll try to be that for you."

Man, I freaking love that^^ line.


OKAY NO NEWS from court except predicting length of time needed for trial in January.

Lovely. In other words, list of witnesses including me calling our children.

AND

Job interview today and I'm about to go.

SO I ASK

Please pray for my children to learn about God's love, to see me as a strong empowered woman (and for me to be one) for me to get a job, a fair settlement and to

and never become bitter. H hid money, he lied and he wronged me.

But his mistreatment - that's FROM and ON HIS own darkness.

d20 hates him so much it cannot be healthy. So much rejection. She said he sent her a text that made her cry. WTF man does that?

THAT is what makes me want to scream. But better not now-- job interviews hate screamers.

Prayers and good thoughts needed and wanted - a lot. People I need my head on straight for this.

((( xoxo )))