When I reflect on my situation, it's clear to me that my wife (now XW) was striving to maintain the status quo. As long as I ignored the affair, things were calm. If I hinted that wasn't happy she was in contact with the OM, then there was h3ll to pay.
When we talked to the MC, the MC told my wife that "this could be fixed." My wife hated that. She was adamant that the marriage couldn't be fixed. I think (i.e. mind reading) that my wife understood that fixing things meant the OM would have to go away. There was no way she was going to allow that to happen, even at the expense of her family.
I don't think your wife has grown apart from her relationship with the OM; she's just learning how to balance the two relationships (you and the OM) in such away that she can have both (eating cake and having it too). She's improved her game. The fact that the MC discharged the two you suggests to me that you need a better MC.
