What to Do? 4

[chris19]

East -
But you HAVE TO take your focus off of her. HAVE TO. Your mental health REQUIRES it.

Yes, I know I do...this has been a recent reoccurring theme for me. For some reason the holiday season and her bday and the birth of my first nephew (well her first nephew) is just getting the best of me. I am glad I have set up time with a IC to work on myself.

Maika - Thank you for you personal experience in the temp checking situation. Much appreciated; I hope to learn from your exp.

Sandi - I figured as much. The humble pie needs to be served.

If she really wants you.......she will find you and she will swallow her false pride and apologize and ask you to please give her another chance.

This make complete sense. I am afraid to lose her and that fear is currently at my neck. It stinks. Again, I think this time of year is just killin' me. Another think is one of her BFs is getting married in Mexico next week and we were invited...I was so much looking forward to that vaca with her...it's just another memory of not being together which hurts.

Good thing I am back in school and can focus on something else; plus hitting the gym 7 days a week.

[Holding]

How can you tell if she is legitimately wanting to discuss reconciliation? She will be humble.

Can we have this etched in stone and mounted somewhere?

[chris19]

Hey Board;

Nothing to update; still NC with WW.

[doodler]

Hey chris19,

Things have been slow around here. Can you stir up some sh*t with your WW and report back?

[sandi2]

I am afraid to lose her and that fear is currently at my neck. It stinks. Again, I think this time of year is just killin' me.

Maybe you need to deal with why you are afraid to lose her. Sure, it's hurts when the person we love doesn't want us.......but you sound as if this goes to a different level. How do you see yourself in the future if the M doesn't reconcile?

I don't see you posting much about GAL. It is very important to your healing. You need to be around other people.......preferably ones who like you.

The holidays can be rough on people that has lost loved one during that time, or for other reasons. It can be depressing for many reasons. I encourage you to fill up your calendar. As individuals, we have to have the mental attitude that we will make the most of each day, and it's up to us to enjoy it.

I believe one way to fight holiday blues is by putting our focus on helping other people. Yes, we can drop some money in the cup of people standing outside stores, but I'm referring to really getting involved. Seeing the face of the person(s) you give a helping hand, is quite rewarding. Look around your neighborhood and places you go. Go to church and get involved there. Watch the paper to see local activities and entertainment.

Chris, you are stronger than you give yourself credit.

[TBSakaJ9]

Chris, I agree with Sandi. Anyone that can stand for as long as you have has to be mentally strong. Give yourself some credit.

[chris19]

Maybe you need to deal with why you are afraid to lose her. Sure, it's hurts when the person we love doesn't want us.......but you sound as if this goes to a different level. How do you see yourself in the future if the M doesn't reconcile?

This is defiantly something I am going to bring up with my IC on Saturday. I think it is the main reason/question I am struggling with to completely detach. I see myself alone. Not finding someone as good as W USED to be (key word USED TO BE) to me. See myself as a failure (not in like literal terms; but as a failure in the relationship sense). I am scared because I know how good we can be (because we have been in the past); and it stinks to not be able to have that again with her.

blab, blab...

My GAL's activities include coming home from work everyday and walking the dog. Then doing 2 hours of HW, then going to the gym every night. On the weekends I try to get out with friends at least once a weekend, then spend the other day cleaning the house, doing HW, and preparing for upcoming week. I need to find more activities to do during the week I assume. I might try to find a food bank or something to volunteer at these upcoming weekends.

I finally just stopped looking at any social media; it has helped. I did look at phone records a couple days ago I don't know why. I noticed she had stopped calling OM multiple times a day, and it seems she only talks to OM once a week (last time being 11/7). But that is the last time I am going to snoop, no good from it. My stress level has been thru the roof, and I think that it has something to do with not being able to completely detach.

Thanks for the support.



W just texted me telling me about a mole she had removed earlier this month, and they have to go back in deeper; they said its not too serious as long as she goes back to get more removed.

Now this is something I need to respond too.

[sandi2]

I think she is using it as a hook. She didn't get a response the other ways, so now she's trying this. I'm not suggesting she is lying. I just think she is making it sound more dramatic so as to get you to respond.

If you think you must respond with something......use as few words as possible, short and to the point. Don't get into back & forth texting. Just text a few words and then leave it alone. "Sorry to hear it".

I wish you could see the game she is playing.

[chris19]

So I called her back and got the low down on the medical issues. She asked how I was doing, and all I said was "Good". Then she began to talk for about 30 minutes just on random stuff happening in her life; I had quick acknowledgments. She then asked about my grandparents, b/c she knows they are sick...I told her about them... After about 35 minutes, I she wrapped up by saying that you for calling about my text, and I will let you know what happens when I visit the doctor next.

I prob got caught in a longer convo then necessary...



...BTW there were no R talks. And she did 95% of the speaking.

[sandi2]

I think our posts passed each other. Look at what I said in the post above yours.