I am afraid to lose her and that fear is currently at my neck. It stinks. Again, I think this time of year is just killin' me.
Maybe you need to deal with why you are afraid to lose her. Sure, it's hurts when the person we love doesn't want us.......but you sound as if this goes to a different level. How do you see yourself in the future if the M doesn't reconcile?
I don't see you posting much about GAL. It is very important to your healing. You need to be around other people.......preferably ones who like you.
The holidays can be rough on people that has lost loved one during that time, or for other reasons. It can be depressing for many reasons. I encourage you to fill up your calendar. As individuals, we have to have the mental attitude that we will make the most of each day, and it's up to us to enjoy it.
I believe one way to fight holiday blues is by putting our focus on helping other people. Yes, we can drop some money in the cup of people standing outside stores, but I'm referring to really getting involved. Seeing the face of the person(s) you give a helping hand, is quite rewarding. Look around your neighborhood and places you go. Go to church and get involved there. Watch the paper to see local activities and entertainment.
Chris, you are stronger than you give yourself credit.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
