Not sure how much is MLC

[Gordie]

M: I am new here, so I hope I am doing this correctly.

G: welcome and don’t worry; there’s no correct way

M: My husband and I have been married 19 years. We have two teenage boys. Our marriage has always had it's troubles and it's been somewhat volatile. My husband and I are both very sensitive people and reactive. He announced he wanted a divorce on August 6th. Even though I had every reason to see it coming, I was stunned. I'm still feeling traumatized and feel like I have PTSD.

G: you are not alone. Many of us in long term relationships know exactly what that PTSD feels like.

M: I am struggling to figure out how much of this is MLC. He has a lot of the characteristics: losing several people close to him recently, failing career, blames me for everything (monster mode), depression/rage/mania, says it's time for him to "live life to it's fullest", etc.

G: there is a script; we’ve all heard these statements before...really hard to do, but don’t take it personally

M: I don't know if there was a girlfriend(s) or not. Seems like maybe there was in the beginning, but now not so much. Although I think he does go away and skanks around now.

G: for most of us here there is an OM or OW, but not for all.

M: Anyway, does it matter? Do the tactics I use matter whether it's MLC or WAS? Is there more of a chance of him coming back if it's MLC? Thank you all for being here, I feel so unmoored!

G: have you read the book? Hard to give a recommendation without knowing more about you. Main thing about DB tactics is trial and error. Do what works and stop doing what doesn’t. There is no one size fits all solution or in some cases no solution at all. More importantly beyond the tactics there is the focus on taking care of and healing yourself and becoming the person you want to be with or without your H. If you are unmoored which is totally understandable at this stage, it is probably not healthy or attractive. So focus on self: what did you do in the M that you would like to change for you, to become the best version of you for you?