How a treehouse can cost you your marriage 2

[Clyde]

it took me 2 hours to read all of your writing, so do me a solid and digest what I am about to say, this will be long and I pull no punches, but bear with me as I intend it to meet your stated goals.

Wow, I knew the thread was getting long... you took 2 hours out of your day to read it and then put together a response. Very humbling, I can't thank all of you enough for your support, advice and genuine caring.

...your signature, sum up the basic info like age, BD, M, etc. in your sig. After you have cycled out and then come back to help you can drop most of the BS in it, but while running an 'asking for help' thread, hook people up and get that basic s**t out there quickly.

Good point... done

Family and friends only tend to agree with you or push you to fit the mold of pop culture and 'get tough', 'dump her', 'we'll always be there for you', and other trite s**t like that.
I trust you will know what to say to that simple minded misguided turd who said they would never talk to you again if you reconciled...I know I would've suggested that, reconcile or not, they begin not talking to me ever again as soon as possible.

This one has not been hard, and while I did not come out and say it that blatantly, I made it clear my intentions... she is still my W, we are a family. And it has cost some R's... and while it is disappointing, my thoughts are - you don't know till you have walked in these shoes.

you are no good to others if you are not good to you first

I am figuring this out in all facets of my life, but nowhere has it become more evident to me than in my interactions w/ the kids, for example: Today I took them to their favorite pizza place, (first time going there w/out the W) I was struggling not to let past memories interfere w/ my mood and in turn, the opportunity to make new memories. There was definitely some acting "as if" going on. This is not fair for the kids or myself. I guess there is a fine line between mourning the loss of R, and letting someone have control over you.

...its about you Clyde, not her, not her friends, not family, but you sir. Its about Clyde learning Clyde. Clyde as a father, Clyde as husband, Clyde as self. How you relate to yourself, and I do believe that is the strongest (additionally sexiest, manliest, father-like, powerful, etc.) thing you can show the world. A presentation of confidence. You have not learned this yet. My illustration of evidence is that just today you mention:

[quote=Clyde] I'm going to break down the dynamic of outings w/ the "sister" in its own post... hope this might shed some light on my stance, if not, I'm all ears.

Sorry if I am being hard headed on this one... I have spent a lot of the reflecting and trying to make sure I am comprehending your guys advice.

I get what you are saying about the best me, and you are right, I have not learned this yet, and that needs to be priority. I get that at this point the only thing I can control is me (however I do slip on this one many a times).

In my last series of post, I brought the "sister" and outings up not so much as to blame for where we are, but to get advice on how to address this issue if we truly start to piece, as our last convo she made it sound like that was her ultimatum for the MR, I see how ending the one post by saying "she blew up our family over this!" completely undermined what I was setting out to achieve.

My reason for feeling the need to elaborate on these outings is that some have said I am being controlling (and I can see why they might think that without further elaboration) before the M went haywire, she broke the trust several times regarding these outings... do I lie and say I trust her? Or is this where the healthy boundaries come in.

It doesn't matter, Tread & Gordie already covered above that her friends su*k a bowl of d*cks and so did you for that matter, I don't even recall who mentioned that W is not original, but we get it. She is on script man

Yes I completely agree, right now she is on a script, she is a WAW, clearly she is going to do what she wants no matter how it affects the M... I completely avoid asking/inquiring into what she is up to lately.

On validating, you may have read DR "several times", but you definitely did not do the homework that Cadet told you to do on p.1 of your 1st thread. Have you thought to yourself "why does sandi2 and other real old school'ers offer such awesome advice to others, but not to me"? ***<hint>*** do the homework. Read Wonka's "Validation: Cheat Sheet" post, which is the 3rd post on Newcomers, and prove you did so in your actions.

Reading and doing homework are clearly two different things, I have several of these printed out (Wonka's "Validation: Cheat Sheet", Sandi's 37 rules, and several others). Time to re-read, go over the homework, and look at tomorrow as another opportunity to take the test again.

Ct118, your "February 2017 sum up of your entire GD experience" has been added to a handwritten notebook I have full of things I have grabbed from this forum... thanks for sharing that, along with all the advice and knowledge.