Gordie: MLC W with a BF...negotiating our D #12

[Gordie]

SBJ: I will again say that I understand the tough sitch, but I don't understand her need to start a new family asap. Bringing someone else in the relationship with her children is just her way of making it normal, or as normal as she can. It is totally batchitcrazy.

G: it is crazy. She doesn’t understand why I don’t want to meet him and all of us to be friends. I don’t even try to explain why. If it’s not obvious, there are no words...

SBJ: Your kids are spread out in age like mine and should be spoken to differently. The older kids know that what is happening is not "Normal". The younger ones know something is not right, but they aren't of the age that they will really understand. Mine used the line...sometimes mommies and daddies just can't live together any more. She left out the part that she was in an emotional affair while making her decision to leave.

G: yeah, part of her crazy is that she isn’t even covering this up with the kids. They all know and she expects everyone to accept and be normal and be happy.

SBJ: They are not right in the head and will not think straight or logically about any of it. You my friend have done and are doing a great job with all of this crazy. I know that the hurt is real. I will tell you from personal experience that the first couple of nights without her in your home will be extremely rough, but after that a peace will come because you aren't immersed in the craziness at all hours. I won't lie and say that it is all gumdrops and lollipops, but there is a weird peace that will come.

I was 7 when my mother remarried. I don't remember the first time I met him, but I know that it drove my dad nuts. He told me so over the last year when we discussed my sitch. The one thing that he did say was that my stepdad spoke to him and said that he wasn't going to get in the way of mine and my dads relationship. My stepdad is the nicest man in the world and I know that had he not come into the picture there are many things that I would not have experienced in life.

G: there’s the rub. For my kids sake, I do hope OM2 is like your stepdad. But man, it just s***** that he is even in the picture.

SBJ: It is one thing to detach from our MLC'ers so that we are not hurt by the craziness, but we cannot detach from our kids when they are being forced to do something that they have no choice in. Keep praying for strength and wisdom in all of this and I know that God will guide you where you need to be.