Lost on how to save my marriage! 4

[joejoe1]

Sandi and all,

Update time.

My wife and all have been doing good. We have been preparing for thanksgiving and Christmas. We have been having very intimate and hard conversations. We are listening to each other. We also take the time to explain to each other what we are upset about if we do get upset. A lot different than before.

She's given me an answer to all the questions I have asked.

Today was the first I have been by her parents house in months.

She has said on a few occasions now, without my changes(which is from DBing) she would of never changed her mind about us.

She told me today, that this is the first time she can truly feel that I love her.

She went to a job fair, I have really wanted her to work for years. The difference now, is that she is excited and feel supported by me.

Some of the things she told me about the OM. She said he had a lot of problems, but she wanted to believe the opposite. She told she was in a fantasy world, at first the A was fun, then she start to force the fantasy to be fun. She wanted just to be wanted, by any person but me. I made her feel like Sh!t. So anything but feeling like sh!t is all she wanted.

She says she is gaining respect for me again, (this is more important then love, without respect loving another person is impossible).

I'm still having trust issues. I know it's going to take time.

We haven't had sex, and I want to first time to be right. No pity sex. I want love making.

She calls and text me all day. I told her she I wasn't happy in the marriage for years as well and that she wasn't filling my love cup. She said she will work on doing that. Reading No More Mr. Nice Guy has helped a lot. Now I'm more direct with my demands and I don't get upset with a "No" answer.

We are getting rid of our wedding rings. That marriage is dead. The W wants to get tatts on our ring fingers. I still want bands as well.

Overall, we are going in the right direction. This board has helped me save my M. Listening to the candid advice/2x4s were GOD sent.

I stop pursuing, gave her space, did 180s on myself and for myself and let her watch my changes. Stop talking about the M and R. And I made D and option. I start smiling and only presented myself around her when I felt positive. I never talked about negative stuff around her, and I smiling and laughed a lot. At first it was manufactured, but then in really started feeling that way.

Thank you all.