WW in EA, NC w/OM(?), W's BFF interfering, part 7

[hoosjim]

Also, Sandi, been reading some of your other posts-- When you have a ""recovering" WW, which is what I think I have in my sitch, how important is it to let her "make the first move" in, well, pretty much everything? My own W, at least for now, seems committed to, if not actively working on us on any given day, to, at least, avoiding any further EM entanglements. And, in fits and starts, she is even taking the initiative, as with a couple of the homework assignments our MC gave us, and, on other occasions, asking ME out socially. OTOH, she is still moody and sulky sometimes, and still somewhat affected by mention of OM and/or his family.

One of the dynamics that plagued our past marriage was that it WAS a SSM, and she has told me she needed to feel loved, and desired, and beautiful and, yes, pursued. But, while she is very, very gradually warming up to me, I still don't get that vibe or any cues that she is waiting for me to kiss her or "go for it" or whatever. Similarly, with the MC "work" and such, she seems to get interested in it in fits and starts, and on her own initiative not mine, but then will set it aside and not mention it for days or even a couple weeks.

I havent pushed things on either front. I do flirt with her, and have been working on being physically closer to her through light touches, etc., and, like I said, she seems to be warming up slowly, but... I still have it in my head what she has told me in the past about wanting a more active physical relationship and a mate who will pursue her for that. I just want to strike the right balance. It DOES seem like when I play it cooler or even pull back a bit myself, or go do something on my own, that her "interest" increases.

In sum, I guess, I feel like we are not QUITE "piecing" here, even though she has had, I believe, that bottoming out "dark night of the soul" and is more interested in working on us than in the alternative. But I just wonder how much I should be waiting for crystal clear cues from her, both in terms of physicality and in terms of MC work, before I become more active.

Personality wise, she is a generally a very affectionate and physically forward person, who typically will touch, hug, lean in to, etc. other folks she likes, so I would expect such cues from her if she were open to it, but... maybe that's another way she has changed. She also DOES for some reason now have this bad body-image issue where she thinks she is getting fat and says she doesn't really want anyone touching her. On the MC work front, she has shown a willingness, moreso recently, to undertake this work, even on her own initiative, so I know she has that in her, as well. So, I can see her giving me good cues there when she is more "ready."

Idunno, Ive rambled a while now and dont think I am really explaining this well. I am extremely confident in my interactions with her, and am comfortable flirting with her and conversing with her, but still just wondering how much I should be looking for clearer signs from her in these areas.