How a treehouse can cost you your marriage 2

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I completely agree with East in that this conversation was completely unnecessary at this point. Im glad it was conducted calmly, but the fact remains that you are trying to use your logic to her emotions to get her to see 'your' side. It comes off as you trying to convince her that she is wrong for feeling what she feels/felt or doing what she is doing.

I couldn't help but tell her

You say this kind of thing a lot. You CAN help it. You CAN control yourself. You just dont WANT to.

I did not know you felt that way.

Careful with saying things like this. While Im sure she wasnt clear in communicating her needs, in her own way, I am sure that she tried to. Saying that you were oblivious to that doesnt paint you in a good picture. Its very invalidating -- "if YOU (W) had just done this better, we wouldnt be in this situation."

.. I reminded her of achievements she has made, what a phenomenal mother she is, those who look up to her, and that she had just graduated school and is starting a new career and what an accomplishment that is.

it's that she feels she should be able to do what ever she wants, like going out w/ the "sister".

You seem to be pinning this all on this/these events. But theres no way she walked out because you got upset about her going out a few times. I imagine the root cause is deeper.

I told her that I know she would not intentionally cheat, but if she was to have to much to drink (W can not handle hard alcohol) and start to slip, her "sister" would not only let it happen - but would likely encourage it, especially since the "sister" has no respect for me

To me, this is basically admitting that you DONT/DIDNT trust her. That is one level deeper than the issue you are talking about above. So why didnt you trust her?

I told her that while this whole issue was important, especially if she feels I am being controlling, I feel we both have our points, and that we should be able to come to a compromise, its not something to throw our marriage away over.

Because.....you dont think so? How would you feel or treat the other person if you knew felt undersupported and untrusted? The issues arent just the clubbing - youve got to think on a deeper level. That is just how the actual issues were manifested. She finally gets fed up enough to leave and your response is......"those reasons arent good enough. Look at all this crap I was putting up with." It just isnt going to earn you any points.

Look inward.

Seems like her friends are more important than her family... sad.

Coming from someone who was regularly working 100 hours a week? Im sure she would say that you thought "your job was more important than your family...sad"