I'm so sorry, Gordie. Look at it this way, at least you're getting all this over with at once. Small favors, I know.
I think if I were faced with this I'd want to know as much as possible about the person who would be interacting with my children. The internet is a great tool. Use it to your advantage.
Painful as it is personally, your primary responsibility is protecting the kids. He may be a harmless guy. Best to do some checking.
I've never been in this situation. Thankfully my exh kept his activities focused in another state so son and I never had to deal with anyone else. We also had it written into our agreement that we would not introduce son to anyone unless it was a more than merely casual social relationship. Honestly I have no good advice to give here.
I will tell you that kids are loyal. Kids love their parents. One of the gifts of childhood is that kids see right through the BS - so, I don't believe you're in any danger of being replaced by your children. Kid need and crave structure and consistency. Keep being their rock.
Again, I'm really sorry you're dealing with this right now on top of everything else. Hang in there. xoxoxo
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
