How a treehouse can cost you your marriage 2

[Clyde]

I was on the phone w/ the W, we were talking about non R stuff, I was going through the picture files on my computer at the same time and came across a screen shot she had taken almost exactly a year ago, it was a paragraph that read:

Great Marriages Don't Happen By Luck Or Accident.
They Are They Result Of Consistent Investment Of Time,
Thoughtfulness, Forgiveness, Affection, Prayer, Mutual
Respect And A Rock Solid Commitment Between A
Husband And A Wife.

I couldn't help but tell her what I just came across, I asked her if she remembered taking the screen shot, she said yes. I asked her what changed.

She said when she took it she felt like our M was strained, and reading it helped her at the moment. I replied I got that, but why did you stop thinking like that. I feel at that moment she gave me the most honest answer to date...

She went on to tell me that she felt she had no identity, I listened and told her wow - I did not know you felt that way... I reminded her of achievements she has made, what a phenomenal mother she is, those who look up to her, and that she had just graduated school and is starting a new career and what an accomplishment that is.

She said it's not that, it's that she feels she should be able to do what ever she wants, like going out w/ the "sister". (Going out w/ the sister came up in MC and at that point the W acknowledged the issues of doing such at the time.)

The issues are that we are not talking to dinner or happy hour, we are talking clubbing (without me), the 10 - all weekend bachelorette parties, (mind you, the "sister" and friends are very promiscuous). Beyond that, the times my W has gone out clubbing w/ the "sister" I have not found out till after the fact, (this had only happened 3 -4 times prior to separation, to which the W would say I had no choice... that is what the girls wanted to do, was I supposed to stay behind?)

She said I have no reason not to trust her... she has never and would never cheat on me.

I told her that I know she would not intentionally cheat, but if she was to have to much to drink (W can not handle hard alcohol) and start to slip, her "sister" would not only let it happen - but would likely encourage it, especially since the "sister" has no respect for me... her reply, "the sister has no respect for herself, get over it." and that she does not think my friends would keep me from cheating. I missed the opportunity to point out that I have never gone into those environments w/out her... instead I disagreed that my friends would let me slip and cheat on her.

I reminded her all the times I told her that if she really wants to go out in these environments I would gladly go with. She responded that I'm not social w/ those people... I called BS, these women have disrespected me and our M many times, and yet I am always cordial around them.

It felt at the time, like these were her terms if we were about to R.

I told her that while this whole issue was important, especially if she feels I am being controlling, I feel we both have our points, and that we should be able to come to a compromise, its not something to throw our marriage away over.

At that point she said something like S4 is just hanging out here (her hint she was done talking) so I said thanks for talking, and wished her a good day.

At no point during the convo did we argue or interrupt.

This is the heart of our issue I have always felt, prior to this she has denied it, giving me a laundry list of other reasons.

For a few hours I felt encouraged the we were discussing a topic that played a big part in our demise, felt like progress somewhat. Later I felt frustrated as it confirmed my suspicions as to why she gave up on the M. The first time she BD was after the "sister" was texting her that she needed to "get out of my grip", "don't let him control you" and so forth. Seems like her friends are more important than her family... sad.