My idea to separate has been an epic fail

[Caz49]

Thanks Kml, I appreciate your reply.

Well, I know the relationship isn't still going on, she's with another man and they seem very happy and settled. I don't think it went on for 6 years only because he was in Germany and she was in another job in the uk and he did spend every weekend back with us. I have considered asking her but the last contact we had she was a little unhinged and threatened me.

But you make some VERY valid points and ones I've considered myself. It's one thing knowing it and another hearing it from others. Yes I did 'grovel'. It's this very thing that ate away at me for many years. And then not allowing me a voice. He wouldn't discuss anything or let me question his relationship with her by saying we're moving on.

I've tried GAL, it has little to no effect on him, it even makes him happy I think that I'm moving on. But it helps me. It's when I allow him back into my head I become undone.
He came back this weekend and stood in my house and ignored me, didn't ask how I was and it set me back and that's why I'm here. I felt totally lost all over again, but that's down to me. I need to develop a thicker skin.

He's a man with very little emotion. He knows this and knows he needs to make more of an effort with the children and yet he's like a robot whose default is work.

But you're right, I need to start thinking about me, what I want and my needs. It's just extremely hard for me right now but I will get back to feeling stronger...I think I've hit a three month wall or something.