My idea to separate has been an epic fail

[Caz49]

Hi
I've been reading for such a long time I have gotten real comfort from seeing and reading your stories.

I've been married nearly 25 years, known my H for 30 years. 3 grown children, 18, 20, 23.
My H has been a difficult communicator ever since I've known him.
We've suffered a termination when I was 19, several miscarriages and I miscarried twins at 12 weeks.
I needed comfort, he offered tea and a pat on the shoulder.
When my youngest was two my H began working away during the week and returned at the weekend. This continued until the present day.
2009 he became so distant, or we became so distant I noticed he came home opened up his laptop and began tapping away. He never called me whilst away, we didn't spend time together when he was home.
I became so down but didn't realise I was suffering from depression.
There were signs he was cheating but I didn't fully confront him. Then I met someone, really liked how he listened to me and I told my H that we needed to separate.
I'd only known this person for 2 weeks but it highlighted just how sad and unhappy I was in my marriage. This was an EA, but I realised and knew wholeheartedly how wrong it was. It lasted 8 weeks, I went from feeling valued and validated to feeling like the biggest and worst lowlife of all time. I spent a year pleading and throwing myself at my H, to backing off and doing the DB.
Two weeks after we separated my H moved in with another woman...but I didn't know this until 2015.
We did get back together one year later. I did everything to prove to my husband how sorry I was. Sexually and emotionally.
We continued for a few years and in 2015 the woman my H had a relationship with started to follow me via twitter. I contacted her and I said if you want my H I can give you his number, She then went on to say she didn't need his number, they'd been seeing each other for 6 years.
My H took 2 days to get back home, proceeded to say he'd lived with her for a year in Belgium. After a few months he then said it was 18 months.
I've no idea what the truth is. I got no sorry's. In fact my H says he doesn't believe in sorry's.
My H doesn't do emotion, he stares at me as if I've lost my mind. We don't talk about the future, common goals, and he has refused to wear a wedding ring for the last 8 years. When I ask he just stares or says I don't know. He refuses to stop working away all week. Our house is falling apart and I've never got any help fixing it up.
But he's very generous money wise, pays for everything especially at the weekend. But I'm so sick and tired f being a weekend wife. I'm lonely and very very tired.
3 months ago for many reasons I lost it, I told my H that was it, I couldn't take any more. He stayed away at the weekends and picks the kids up for football or other stuff. His relationship with our eldest isn't great. He just can't seem to talk to them.

So although I was the one who called for time out, it was a scream for help.
I don't want to be divorced but I need a better marriage and I can't seem to get through to him.
I'm seeing an IC. I go up and down with the DB but tonight I've made a major mistake and texted a stupid purge that he will run a mile from.
I'm completely lost on how to deal with a man who doesn't seem to care about anything unless he wants to.
Any and lots of help needed.