Hi Sandi, thank you for stopping by and saying hello. I saw your post earlier, but figured I'd wait to reply until I had something else to say.
I definitely am proud of him, and recently am very impressed also. he was the child of a helicopter mom, regardless of what I said about him needing to take responsibility for things to learn how to be responsible, she would do everything for him, even to the macro of answering questions others would ask him. Anyway, after her transformation into this new person, she doesn't do anything with/for him and he has shown the maturity to handle things himself. He is currently applying for university's and scholarships on his own, I talk to him about it, but was concerned about him actually sitting down and doing the work, but he let me know he's submitted applications now.
Well, anyway, I figured I'd stop by with an update. I wasn't going to follow up with stbxw about filing the D paperwork, but I updated some of the pages with her new address and ended up asking when she is planning on filing when I emailed the updated forms. She hasn't responded as of yet.
The reason I ended up following up was because after having a few drinks last weekend, I went onto a dating site and added a profile, which is a first for me. My M ended 1 1/2 yrs ago, we have been separated and havent' talked in over a year (other than texts about son or D paperwork, and I've seen her once when I gave her the D paperwork) so I didn't think to mention the whole "legally married" thing.
Well, I got quite a few responses from my profile, and when thinking about responding, I found myself at a loss of how to handle things. Do I mention being legally M in my email response, or do I wait until meeting face to face and opening up with that, lol. Yeah, I am not sure how to handle that whole thing, but will probably mention it in my written response and see where things go.
My preference has always been to meet people naturally, see who attracts my attention, and pursue that person. But I've been in my town for 8 months now, and I have not met anyone who has attracted my attention, well, a couple I didn't meet attracted my attention by their looks, but I digress. I'm definitely not looking for anything serious, but I'm trying to pursue ways to meet new woman and pick up my social activities.
M - 9 1/2 years 5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA 10/31/16 - We sold house 01/10/18 - D Finalized
It's awesome you've gotten some hits on your dating profile. Everything I hear makes is sound like men have to put in so much effort on dating sites to get any leads. But I think you should let them know via email that you're still technically married. Explain that you've been separated and for how long, and let them decide if they're comfortable with that.
I once dated someone who was "technically married", and I didn't find out until after we'd ML. It made me feel like a fool and an adulterer. I ended it shortly after that.
Me-47,XW-43 S13,S16 M:18 BD:4-23-17 W filed:7-17-17 (5 months of in-house separation hell) W moved out:1-6-18 D granted:2-15-18 Decree signed:3-29-18
You should tell them before physically meeting them and let them avoid going further if it bothers them (which it might -- I'd be worried you weren't "over" your ex).
What will your answer be to the question "Why aren't you divorced yet"?
Me: 46 W: 44 Married: 17 Together 21 D13; S10 BD: 03.03.15 (Not attracted to you) Almost 2 years trying, alone, to save marriage Status now: Divorced (effective 06.13.17)
What will your answer be to the question "Why aren't you divorced yet"?
The truth, gave her the paperwork over a month ago but she hasn't filled out her part and filed, no communication, no drama.. Haven't forced the issue because that would require lawyers and this way will save me many thousands of dollars.
I'm not looking to deceive anyone, and she isn't a part of my life anymore.
M - 9 1/2 years 5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA 10/31/16 - We sold house 01/10/18 - D Finalized
Everything I hear makes is sound like men have to put in so much effort on dating sites to get any leads.
YES, yes they DO! I get a lot of emails but the ones that have zero effort behind them get NO RESPONSE from me.
It does take effort to get quality replies. "Hey" or "hey sexy" pretty much gets me an eye roll and I move on.
PUT THE EFFORT IN GUYS!!!!
Sorry for the hijack. Coconut, sounds like you are doing good. it's tricky. I'll honestly think twice when I see a status as "separated". If that's there, well, then they know already and are still contacting you. You can explain the truth if it comes up.
maybe it won't cost you thousands to push it through. look a little deeper into it.
Cnut, sounds like you're doing well so that's good to hear! Regarding the dating sites, I agree with the others, disclose your marital status asap. You should probably even put it in your profile. My experience with the dating sites is that a lot of women will not go out with someone who is still married regardless of how long they've been separated, and I don't blame them. There's too much baggage involved. I've seen a lot of women state right in their profiles "do not contact me if you are still married, no matter how long you've been separated" and others state "do not contact me unless you have been divorced at least two years". I had several women ask me pointed questions about my divorce and I even sent a couple of them a scan of my decree to put them at ease. You may think that sounds picky but a lot of men out there try to jump back into dating way before they are ready, and they don't think about the impact that has on the women they are dating.
She never responded to the question of when she was going to file when I sent the email asking so I texted today asking when. She responded with a lot of excuses about costs of moving. I asked when if I pay for it all, she responded she will file within two weeks. I told her She has two weeks or I will file and she can get a lawyer and take as many trips to NC as it takes to end the M.. I'm done waiting, I didn't want to do it around the holidays but she's already dragged the D along for 4 months and I'm done waiting on her timeline.
I can afford a lawyer and running this through a contemptuous D Is doable and affordable for me, I don't know if she can afford it, and I don't care.
As for the dating site, I wouldn't want a woman in my life that responded to "hey sexy", I expect and know a healthy relationship will take work, but it's nice to know that other W saw enough in me to reach out, but I decided to not respond and just deleted my acct until the D is final. I didn't respond to any of them.
M - 9 1/2 years 5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA 10/31/16 - We sold house 01/10/18 - D Finalized
