WW Part 2 Chapter 2

[sandi2]

That makes perfect sense to me. But the disrespect is the A.

There are many manifestations of disrespect. An affair seems to be in a category set apart from of all others. It is the act of betrayal from the one who vowed to love and be faithful to you....no matter what trials the M faced. We can learn to cope with disappointments, broken promises, unmet expectations, etc. However, infidelity (physical or emotional) is betrayal of love. The priceless bond of trust has been broken. Some may be able to heal, and others may not.

And if your willing to forgive, then it's good. what if the boundary is nonstop cheating? It seems as long as the WW is cheating with no divorce in sight from her H, then she still won't view him as a man worth respecting.

Forgiveness and boundaries are two separate subjects. They are two separate acts.

Forgiveness cannot be earned. It is strictly an act of grace by the offended person. Forgiveness does not condone the affair or betrayal. It does not give permission to repeat the offensive act. Forgiveness cannot be used to guilt the other person into staying faithful in the future.

Boundaries have nothing to do with forgiveness. I'm not sure what you mean by "nonstop cheating". I will go out on a limb and guess you mean that upon learning of your WW's affair\cheating, you set a boundary of no more cheating. Therefore, if she ignores the boundary and cheats.......what then? The next move is up to the H. It's his boundary that has been disrespected, so what will he do?

In my sitch, I had W leave.

Okay, so now you are physically separated from the one who would not respect your boundary of no more cheating.

But she is still doing her thing most likely, while I try to detach. Not trying to mind read, but one can assume that she is that worried about me doing anything else about the continued behavior.

Once you have told her to leave the marital home, there is little else you can do about her personal life. You had her leave b\c she disrespected your boundary of no more cheating. Do I have that correct? The only option you currently have left, is divorce. Otherwise, what she does in her life is her business (as long as the children are not endangered).

Here's the part about boundaries many people miss. Boundaries are not to be used as a tool to control the other person. Boundaries are not ultimatums. What you choose to do in response to the other person refusing to honor your boundary is up to you. You cannot make the other person do what you want. You only control yourself. What will you do to protect your feelings?

Tread, I have seen newcomer H's jump on the boundary wagon before they fully understood how it works. They would walk around their house, crowing like a rooster about their boundary. They seem to think that by simply stating something was their boundary.....it would be honored by the WW. Not so. He had better have a backup plan, b\c in most cases.....she will not honor it. In your situation, you had her leave.

Not trying to mind read, but one can assume that she is that worried about me doing anything else about the continued behavior.

There is NOTHING you can do to stop her from cheating! Get that through your head. It is out of your control. If you don't want to be legally M to her then get a D. If you aren't ready to D.... then don't. But you cannot make her live the way you want her to live. Understand? Boundaries are about protecting yourself........not controlling the other person.