Been a couple of weeks since I last posted and a few ups and downs along the way.
I still feel ok about my decision to leave my job, I have spent time mapping a route around NZ and have been looking at what beaches and walks are along the way. It needs tweaking but I have plenty of time to do this and it gives me something to focus on while other areas of life are hitting bumps.
S20 g/friend left to join him this week, the house is quiet .....and tidy .... I am enjoying having my own space, but it's early days so maybe the novelty will wear off !
I spoke to s23 yesterday, he had been to visit his dad and brother at the weekend, seems it was a quiet night and all in bed by 9.30pm as S20 had been out partying the night before and apparently h now goes to bed at 9pm. He said that h spoke to him about s20 upcoming 21st birthday and said he was going to contact me so s23 wanted to pre warn me that h was going to contact (he doesn't know we have already had contact). I was a bit annoyed at this as we have agreed that we will not tell the boys about any contact between us unless it becomes a regular thing as they know it's been a year since we last spoke and I don't want to cause them any more confusion, h agreed with this decision, so why he felt the need to tell s23 he was going to contact me - and about something that is not until January and nothing to do with s23 - I have no idea. It was enough of a concern for s to let me know though, which is exactly why I did not want them being involved.
S20 rang at the weekend, he started telling me about living with h, says h is very quiet these days, keeps himself to himself, walks a lot, does not see much of the friends he made when first left, the partying has stopped and he is concentrating on paying his debts off and saving. Sounds like he has settled down and is happy, looking forward to starting his new job. I haven't heard from him for a couple of weeks so he must have had his fix and is back in his own world.
S20 also mentioned that mil & fil are planning to come over for S23 wedding in August, it was the first I have heard of this, I was told it is a small wedding with immediate family only, so when I next spoke to s23 I asked him about it, he said he thinks they have invited themselves as he hasn't and part of the reason they are going to visit them in the New Year when then are visiting Europe is because they are not invited so want them to have an engagement celebration with them instead. I got myself a bit upset as I don't get along with mil and the thought of having to not only contend with seeing h again but also her just sent me over the edge, emotions run very deep when it comes to the subject of mil. Anywhoo, s23 got himself upset too as he is already worried about having me and h together and now has to tell his g/parents who he didn't invite to not come, I ended up agreeing to talk to h about it and asking him if he would tell them for us.
I don't know what his reaction will be but I have emailed him explaining the situation and asked for his opinion and help with this. I know it's a long time away but the in laws are people who will book flights early and then tell everyone they are coming a couple of weeks before they arrive, so i feel this needs to be dealt with before s23 sees them in a couple of months, let the dust settle. I also know it is an over reaction from me and I should have probably made out that I don't care, but honestly I don't think I can cope with both h and in laws at the same time, I am already getting anxiety at the thought of seeing h again and it's months away.
I'm over my job now that I have made the decision to leave, 145 days to go, oh yes i have a countdown app, keeps me going, seems such a high number but I know it will go fairly quickly. The summer season is upon us and its getting busy in the showroom and shop, I'm tired and drained, especially with everything going on with h, s moving and now the wedding worries, I ended up with a chest infection last week, terrible cough and lost my voice, thankfully feeling better this week but come out in cold sores, I know I need to look after myself better, but seems no time for down time arm.
I took part in the pink ribbon walk last weekend (breast cancer walk) with work, we all dressed up in pink costumes, our team won a prize for our costumes, was a really great day and they balanced fun with a reminder of what we where there for, it really bought home how precious life is and not to waste it as we really have no idea what is around the corner (hopefully all good things mwah mwah)
Our work Christmas function is at a Country and Western Bbq joint, we have to go dressed up, so I am looking at ideas for that, I have a couple of weeks to find something fun.
So that's about all from me, as I said ups and downs, probably should not have emailed h but it's done now and I have to live with any consequence from it. I ask myself if he had not broken the contact would I have done this, I think probably not.
