Reading up/Catching up just wanted to toss some input here solely from my perspective. Common advice on this board is to not move out, in 2013 mine saved me from that choice and emptied the accounts and got her own place.... at the time I had no idea about OM, let alone MLC, wasnt till months after I found out and basically told her off as she dropped off our S. Second time around I moved in with her 2015 in her new place and tried to make it work for a few months as she was doing her touch n gos, when I discovered she was still sneaking around with OM I moved out with a quickness. I think it was less than one week I was out. Sometimes you have to choose ... face the disrespect and put up with it, or say enough is enough and protect yourself. For me I knew that was it ... I dropped rope and admitted I could not put up with the cray any longer. That was almost 2 years ago and tbh it was the best thing I could do for myself. I still wanted the M in a strange way but I also did not want to paint myself into a corner any longer and accept what she was doing, because by doing that simply showed her it was 'ok'... as I stated several times to her I was not going to live in an open marriage.
Going back to something you said also made me think. "Did I lose myself"
I would guess yes .. I know I did but its similar to a cliff next to the ocean. Everyone sees that cliff is still there 20 years later, what the do not always realize is that ocean (life) punds into that cliff relentlessly and it slowly erodes away. Many of us are guilty of this ... we sacrifice personal things for the better of the marriage or the family, its a natural erosion and one that is just plain common. Doing this yeah we lose ourselves a bit and over the past 4-5 years I have discovered this. Now am I going to go and start partying like I did in my younger days .. no ... I have grown into someone else, someone better. I am a far better father now than I was 5 years ago, I removed non healty things from my life and continue to strive to improve and get better. Losing the old you is not always a bad thing if you frame it correctly.
Hang in there, now is the time to look out for yourself and your kids. She chose this life let her get a big taste of what its like without you ... she is already on OM2 who most likely has no idea whats going on. Let her loose on her own journey and focus on yourself and the kids.
