I may have misunderstood your question about the kids wanting their mom back. We had been talking about her not going to the house for family times, like previously, so that's where my brain was. I tend to think it's natural for children (especially under age) to want their parents reunited......as long as there were no abuse issues, etc. However, reconciliation between the parents may not automatically resolve emotions left hanging with the kids.
IMHO, your family would definitely need family therapy before merging together again. Not b/c it is your family, necessarily, but any family with kids living at home and one of the parents has been living separately.
Can you see yourself approaching your boys and talking about why things will be changing for the time being (no invites to her to partake in family time at the home)? I mean, you could explain your position. If they want to talk about their feelings or ask questions, maybe they will open up, IDK.
I don't know how much you have discussed anything about the S with your kids. IMHO, kids grow up never understanding or knowing the truth of why some things took place in their lives, simply b/c the parents did not discuss it with them.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
