At the moment I'm somewhat forced to set aside what's happening with my husband in order to improve my health. I will try to let go of any expectations of the marriage continuing or ending. That's a nice reminder about the three kinds of love. Currently it seems 90% of my love goes to my daughter since she's only three and I'm her sole caretaker. I'll try to balance things out better. There are going to be some limits compared to someone who has no kids or older kids, but I'm sure I can still do better. Right now I barely make it through each day with just the basic necessities (caring for my daughter, cooking, cleaning, errands, etc..) compared to my 'previous' life where I would go to the gym every day, meet friends, attend special events, conquer major career and educational goals, and travel.
PsySara, thanks for your input! I do see what you're saying. I've gone back-and-forth between the two things - working on myself and wanting my husband back. When my husband left the first time (also October 2015) I somehow found it within myself to practice DB techniques within a week or two and I honestly did do it for myself. I was out with friends every day, talking with spiritual and religious mentors every night, going to counseling, attending events around NYC where I lived at the time, stayed on top of the consulting work I was doing, and acted like I didn't care too much when my husband stopped by or called. I did everything with my daughter with me but it didn't stop me. My husband did notice and within eight weeks he was back and said he couldn't believe how well I was doing. He apologized for everything and it seemed like we were going to fix things.
Then that didn't happen. My husband lived with us again, but he was never the same. He wasn't interested in me as a wife and just came home to eat and search on his computer while I did everything else. This was not a livable solution. Every month or so I'd approach him and ask what we could do to fix or end the situation and he'd get mad and send me away crying.
This kept happening until I made two psychologist appointments for him this past summer and after the second one he came home and said he was leaving. He said he couldn't decide anything about our future together for at least six months. This time is different in several ways and I'm struggling more. I'll write more about that later...I have to run to a doctor's appointment now.
