25yearsMLC 10 Later I FILE D part 8

[25yearsmlc]

How on earth could your WH replace you and your children? No way. He has placed a cardboard cutout in place a stunningly wonderful and witty woman. You should know that narcissist care about presentation, how they "appear" more than how they really are. So he wants to play the part but not put in the work.
soon enough the shine will wear off and they will see the ugly truth.

As far as your brother goes, what an amazing man. How blessed you are to have someone this awesome in your life, how doubly blessed you share his blood. The Chinese have a belief that there is a red thread that connects people who love each other. The thread may stretch, tangle and get worn but it will never break. Ever. I wish I had deeper words but I have never been good at finding them at the right time. He sounds like a warrior.
_________________________
M 8yrs T 11yrs
BD #1Oct 2015-PA between WAH and COW
BD #2 April 2016-WH resumed PA, she broke it off
June 28 2016-start piecing
Jan 2 2017 WH says he wants divorce
April '17-Letting go
DD6, DS4, DS1

Top Reply Quote Quick Reply Quick Quote Notify
#2767383 - Yesterday at 03:45 PM Re: 25yearsMLC 10 Later I FILE D part 7 [Re: PsySara]
25yearsmlc Offline
Member

Registered: Mon Apr 03 2006
Posts: 13325
Loc: CA- now East coast
thank you all for your support; it means more than you know.


OKAY my brother - I visited him and we will hope for the best. He is a GOOD man. Fought to get his kids AND not care about CS. Like he'd pay even if he got them all the time.

He threw himself into parenting the way he threw himself into being an AF pilot and then when he got injured flying, he became a very good lawyer. He's a second dad, btw. Raised his 3 step d's, btw. He's a guy who "steps up to the plate" in every way.

AND he is an involved interested DAD...and a loving romantic FUNNY, Husband. F- cancer. I know He will make it. I just know this - but yeah, it's a wake up call for sure.
Why are we waiting to hope someone who mistreated us to come back???

Carpe Diem, my friends, Carpe Diem!


On the OW and my h living together (for months, apparently) it makes me think he wants to settle with me so he can marry her. AND OR earn more $$ openly. Which is sleazy but leverage.

Objectiviely he's an idiot, but the rumors that men need women faster than the can possibly learn a thing from their first m, is just proved like this.

H is a walking talking posting cliche. And he Learned nothing from his mistakes. I think that is literally true. Makes the SAME exact errors. Fool.

I can (and damn it, I AM a woman only a fool would leave. And he's a fool. This OW is, I'm told, not much. She's not smart, she's sure as heck not funny (not like ME) and supposedly "they have nothing in common. Not a match made in heaven".

For THAT^^ he blew up our family??? Whatever.....NOT MY PROBLEM and btw, I say "thanks h, you did me a favor.

Yeah my EGO hurts but I have to believe it will not work out with "utter happiness after ever."

Yes I feel replaced but I know OW will never have our history or our children or our laughs or my smarts. Heard "he's up into her ass" and I don't even want to know what that means, but I was not a low sex drive woman. Oh the irony.

I'm not sure what that^^ means except their chemistry. We once had that too, and I still felt it for him (usually. NOT always). are He burped and he scratched his genitals (DOODLER< please no jokes Doodler) Thanks.

MY kids?? HOW?? Anyone with input on this, I'm open. What do I say when they tell me they have been replaced??

WHICH BRINGS ME TO DATING. UPDATE

Had an interesting talk with M tonight. (He knows about my brother w/cancer. M was helpful and kind.

As you know there are rules to dating in DC group AND M has to sell his home out of state. So he travels a lot.

But I am drawn to him and after a long hinting talk, I just asked him if he was ready to date. He is not - says it's the rules. THEN said he's interested however. AND said he would be by Jan 1.

So here is our plan, b/c we DO want to get to know each other.

FACTS:

1) We are both leaving LONG marriages.

2) And we want to keep our word to the group not to date, while group meets. (That's a rule or a lot of reasons)

So we thought we'd take a class together (dance lessons - ball room dancing) after DC group ends, about Jan 1.

Dance class is several weeks long and we will learn together. We will see how each one learns and teaches, how we will work together, how we will feel each other out. It requires a "date" a week, dinner after maybe.

After the (10 weeks?) is over we can choose where we want to go from there. Maybe we will just be better dancers and say good bye.

or maybe we will meet each other's families, and have a lot of chemistry to boot.

Maybe it'll be a strong relationship founded on a carefully built foundation.

My guess? It'll be a well founded r with a bubbling chemistry that develops over time and now and then, maybe before the dance classes end, it will spill over.

To me, this ^^ might be the best scenario I could have imagined.


At least IF/when my family meets him (IF) it'll be a "man I'm seeing" and not some guy they're seeing in a string of them.

Know what I mean? Are we being too careful? I would rather take it slow and build to a slow burning fire, than rush it and burn out, or end badly. I also love the learning together aspects.

We are both interested in getting to know each other, which we said out loud.

Neither of us is healed, but I believe that sometimes healing takes energy and activity IN OUR LIVES - to pushes out the other empty feelings. I'm not sure healing takes place while we sit in our living rooms.

And we want to keep our word to the Div Care group. (avoids group awkwardness among other things).


Make sense?