WW Part 2 Chapter 2

[sandi2]

I don't know that I can ever love W the way I used to or if I even want to love her that way again.

That's b/c she has hurt you so badly. It is extremely unfair for a WW to nonchantley tell her H that he'll just have to trust her, when she has broken that trust in the cruelest manner. I firmly believe the WW should earn the H's trust after she has betrayed him.

W also says I'm rigid, judgmental and act holier than thou.

Well, I felt the same way toward my H, mainly b/c he said he'd done nothing wrong. He had not had an A, but in my viewpoint, he'd done plenty wrong. So anyway, I suspect that's not uncommon amongst WW's.

There are certain values and morals I hold dear to my heart that I won't waiver on. I think that makes me a strong person at my core.

Exactly, and that is the very thing I try to get newcomers to think about when we are discussing the subject of boundaries.

Seems that some of those may be conflicting with WW and maybe that's the "holier than thou" refrain from her.

Sure!


Here's the thing ^^^^^^^^^ I feel a lot of newcomers may fail to grasp. When many newcomer H's arrive here, they are so consumed with finding the "it" that will change the feelings of his WW......hoping she won't D him. Truth is........if that is his total focus, he will probably fail. If nothing else, she'll get mad that he waited until she was done before he made the changes. . I don't know that a H can please his WW enough to change her mind........or, even if he should try, considering that she is wayward. Now let me explain what I mean by that statement. I am into my 11th year on the board, and I have not seen many positive results from H's killing themselves trying to appease their WW. However, most of the positive results I have seen, comes by the H staying true to his own values, standards, belief system, and integrity. How can a man set boundaries when he doesn't have a clue about his own core values? How can a man command respect from others, if he doesn't respect himself?

IMHO, the H needs to dig deep and mentally evaluate his MR, to determine the true source of the issues they currently have. He needs to take an inventory of himself and be painfully honest in how he has measured up as a man.......then as a husband. If he doesn't have some type of guidelines, then how will he determine it? If he really has no clue where the problems lie, then sure, he needs to consider the complaints made by his W. I'm just saying that if she is showing wayward behavior, then he needs to focus on how to deal with her disrespect rather than doing cartwheels to please. Does that make sense or does it sound as if I'm talking in circles?