Sorry for the latest developments. Your sitch is catching up to mine, and in some ways, it's worse. Your W is really out there lost at sea. Bringing OM2 to meet the kids and the screensaver stuff...she's trying to make this insanity seems as normal as possible.
Remember, there is a need on their part to create chaos. Who knows why. Maybe it's misery loves company, maybe they want the whole room to be spinning for everyone else so it doesn't feel like they're the only ones spinning.
As for Mom - I'm kind of going through the same thing. My BD was January, 2016. I didn't tell my mother anything until W filed in October. Instead of a long distance phone call, I did a 2-hour Skype with her where I told her everything - including some info about MLC. I continued to talk to her about this and share MLC info.
My mother's own opinion mirrored my own, but sometimes, she'd say something as if she's trying to be sympathetic about it, she even tried justifying some of my W's replay behavior. Sometimes I wonder if my mother thinks my W is just suffering from Neglected Housewife Syndrome or something like that. It's gotten me really angry hearing her trying to sound neutral. I'm sure she misses her DIL (they had a great relationship pre-BD). A lot of people don't understand MLC. I just focus on talking about the kids to her. I don't talk D talk with my mother much because her replies can make me really angry. It's like - who's side are you on?
As for moving out - I am going to play Devil's advocate and ask why should YOU leave? She's already taking off to see OM, why don't she just make it regular? Why should you go? You and the kids are happy with each other for company. She's the one that wants everything changed. Change is out THERE with OM and whatever else she's doing.
It takes focus to work through this. If nothing else, you will detach even further through sheer exhaustion. I also tossed and turned staying up all night when she was out. Now, me and my sons all breathe easy when she's not there. It's a freaking stress fest when she's home. You will take steps day by day to react less and less to this madness.
It is madness, my brother. Just cause she's walking through it whistling & smiling doesn't make it any more normal.
Remember that this is a tornado in front of you, and you will get away from it eventually. The tornado is inside her, and it is an awful place to be. We are lucky not to be in their shoes.
M: 49, W: 45 T: 22 M: 15 S14, S11, S9 BD: Jan '16 W files: Oct '16 D final: June '18
