Trying to stay above water 2

[25yearsmlc]

[quote=Henwen]I didn't even see this post until now. Thank you for asking. I went and a saw a lawyer. And ever since H has been crazy. He keeps assuming I am taking him for everything.

CLASSIC!!!! Not sure if that helps you much now, but it's SO common it's just not original enough to give credence to. And btw, courts have seen it. EYE ROLL.
You dared to quietly assert a right and THUS :"you want it all!" No middle ground, only lunacy - from him.

I recall so many (oh so many) times in my m, including good times) in which I simply requested more "family time/date nights" b/c I "hardly see you anymore. You work so much and don't need to take EXTRA call" - this was ME wanting time with my h. Not angry, just a need of mine - in my 20's and 30's, for intimacy and connection.

h's response was nearly always the same. "You just want me to quit being a doctor."

WTF?

Now that I look back on those^^ replies, I get mad at myself for not calling him on the disordered thoughts that his replies reflected.

Good grief


He accuses me of this and is just completely unreasonable. Ever since I told him I was over us he has been acting out. He is starting arguments and blaming me.

DO NOT - DO NOT - DO NOT GET SUCKED IN! it only fuels his rage.

Instead, may I suggest the stink bug response?

When he says something really over the top mean, grossly exaggerated or out of line with any logic,

you 1) LOOK at him & calmly say "i'm not making NEW Hen law"


2)
you stare at him like he's a bug or specimen from another planet. You don't know this specimen, it's repulsive but fascinating. It must be a bug from another planet.

Unfortunately you suspect it's a stinkbug which spreads a foul odor around those surrounding them. So you have to leave the stinkbug area.

(Buh bye, stink bug. Talk to me when you sound human)

3) what you actually say is "obviously this is not productive. I can't be spoken to like this anymore. Guess we need lawyers to sort it out."

AND YOU LEAVE



He is calling me names. He told me he is taking me to court over my requests in my separation settlement. He didn't think that he should pay wage percentage wise on our kids extra curricular activities. Because that means he will have to pay everything if I lose my job. He is accusing me of having a bf. I just can't deal with it anymore. His anxiety is thru the roof. He keeps getting nose bleeds and blaming me for agitating him.


THIS is ^^^^more irrational stink bugging. Only[u] UNhealthy people engage or remain in the area thinking they can out stink the stinkbug. Do you want to stink too?

Hen he is PROJECTING, and you don't need that. LEAVE THE AREA. Look, I KNOW it's not easy. But it's also not complicated. It's hard, but it is simple.


"H, you're projecting your problems onto me, again. Gotta go."

NO snappy retorts, no "zingers," no "truth darts".

Just a dignified EXIT - that's your job.



At this time I am so happy he is not in my life personally at the moment. I don't even know what to think about about any of this. Lol. I finally go and see a lawyer at his request to get things settled and then he goes looney.

Although I did have to call him over last night because I found a tick on the dog and didn't know how to deal with it.
[color:#3333FF]
Did you use vaseline? Maybe next time google it, or spend the money (once) to call the vet tech- it is cheaper. But No more h for the dog. No more h for anything you can do or learn to do on your own.


Hey, my h is a former veterinarian AND then became an MD anesthesiologist, (he's truly a wealth of medical information, trust me).

My closest brother was just diagnosed with kidney cancer. Believe me, I was so sorely tempted to call h.

But I did not. I WANTED TO, to get info and yes, frankly, some comfort and reassurance.

But he's with OW! And HER kids...Not so comforting...

I'm not doing to a dry well for a drink when I'm thirsty, anymore. Your h is a long term dry well, even if there are some drops in the bucket for you now and then.

legal separation helps you?

Or is that bc you guys were not legally married?? I"m just asking. Protect yourself Hen.

Most important financial transaction of your life

you cannot talk your h into behaving better. Let me repeat that for emphasis

you cannot talk your h into changing or loving or caring or being fair.

Stop wasting your breath and truly, truly, making it worse