I've read here that D is just a piece of paper. I disagree. That's like saying M is just a piece of paper. D is a major, life -altering decision. It's an announcement to the world that your M is over. It's often a contentious and ugly struggle with someone you used to love. How do people ever get past that and recon?
The reason we say it's just a piece of paper is because by the time you end up in court, your M is long dead. It really ended at BD. It's like Cadet says now and then, most LBS's are D'd at BD, they just don't know it yet. The actual D is just a formality. All of those things you mention about announcing it to the world and such, that's already taken place before you ever find your way to court.
As for how people get past that and recon, well a large part of it is because the reason two people are together to begin with is because there is a magnetic bond there. They were attracted to each other more than anyone else in the dating pool. So much so that they decided to get M'd. So despite BD and all the bad blood over it, you are still her "type". After all the dust settles and the negativity surrounding BD, S and D has dissipated, you may find yourselves drawn together again. Of the D'd people I know that later reconciled, it took years. And it wasn't "hey let's try to force this to work for the kids" or whatever, it was "wow, you're pretty darned attractive and cute and funny and that spark is still there after all this time".
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where someone went into the reasons they were able to take the X back
In the couples I'm familiar with there were no particular reasons. They just fell in love all over again. It happened slowly- they started talking, then going out kind of as friends, then officially dating, then moving back in. Only one of the couples I know has actually remarried though.
