Originally Posted By: Sotto
In my situation, the worst marital outcome happened. XH D'd me and remains with OW in so far as I know. But here's the thing - though I was married to him, I didn't get to choose his choices. He chose them. And the choices he made, made a life together for us untenable. So, given his choices, I then made mine - and so life moved forwards.

This is what keeping the focus on you really means - accepting others will do what they will do - and living your life as best you can - and giving your best from wherever you are at each day (as Cali once said in a similar vein.)



Sotto said this so well, right here. I had the worst possible outcome too. My ex has been married to his OW for 6 years, and she is the stepmother to my daughter. I could not change the outcome of his life and his choices. The choices I made going forward were mind with what I had ot work with.

I know you want so badly to change her and her choices. You simply do not have that power. Her boob shots, her endless selfies, choosing to live this way is something you have no power to change.

What you do have power to change? YOU. Stop snooping. What do you have to gain from it? it's only going to cause you pain. I used to snoop on FB on some ex bF's. What did I learn? It only hurts me! To see them in new R's? Why would I subject myself to that? Why are you subjecting yourself to this?

Be good to yourself. I think it is truly time to come you cannot change her, you can't make her want to come home, and she is gone as you know it right now. So live your life for you and your kids. Let her go.