Gordie: MLC W with a BF...negotiating our D #12

[Gordie]

Ownit, butterfly, SBJ,

Thank you for your thoughts and comments of encouragement.

1. Agree on advice to stay away from women. For a lot of reasons, that is good advice for me at this time. I need to date myself and my kids. No time for another woman.

2. Too late to prevent.w from introducing OM2. I’ll write more about that, but I find my current situation unbearable. I did ask L about it and he said it wasn’t enforceable in our state unless it was a danger to the children.

3. I totally agree that I put my own interests aside for the sake of w and kids and I didn’t mind this at all. I thought that’s what you were supposed to do.

4. Agree issue with mom is her own generational perspective. I choose not to fill her in because mom is a major gossip. Sad, but she always has been and I don’t expect her to change for me.

5. Yes, I want to become the man who God wants me to be. None of this makes sense to me. God’s will be done not my will be done. I just don’t see this as God’s will but maybe that’s my lack of faith.

Journaling:

I suspected w may have introduced OM2 while I was away with my son the other weekend. Well, today she did it again and the kids told me. I almost lost it but remembered that now is not the time as I need to get that settlement signed this week. Also “losing it” would change nothing. It took all my willpower to pretend but I tind her actions...beyond words that will not get censored.

I know it’s against the advice given by some wise souls here, but really think I have to move out once this is signed. I can’t handle being here any more. Until the house is sold could be a very long time. Until then, my custody time will be at the big house. I will see the children daily as w works in the evening even if I am sleeping elsewhere.

I’ve been struggling with the kids and church but I tried something different this week and it worked much better so maybe all is not lost on that front. The big kids have all chosen to stop going to church which breaks my heart but also know they are at the age of reason so must make their own.

Older kids who know have been opening up to me more. They are angry at w and me for the divorce. I listen and don’t speak negatively about w but what else can I do? I hate that this is happening to them and that I couldn’t bust this D. I reassure them that the D is between w and me and not between kids and me. I wish I had the words to say to soothe their pain.