Infidelity/WAH, my story pt 11, filing for D

[PsySara]

Sorry I've been MIA folks, just needed some time to breathe and regroup. Since you all have taken the time to post on my I will address each post.

KML,
To me it looks like you would've "won" regardless of your M outcome because you embraced the DBing wholehearted. I will continue to take a page from your book.

Henwen,
I decided to just let go of the rope and focus on my children. I wasn't pursuing D actively and I wasn't really even caring if WH moved out tomorrow.

ForGump,
I think WH is reaching his rock bottom, more to come on that soon.

Chris73,
Sometimes just knowing someone is walking with you on a very rocky road makes the pain halved, KWIM? Thank you.

25mlc,
I've done a sunk cost analysis and it really came out to, "Well, am I really losing anything by losing the marriage?" Nope. I've had two men at my work persue me hard and both told me to let them know if my WH is looking for a replacement. I...may have shared that with my WH. (insert evil smiley) In the end I just needed some time to regroup and jump back in the DB saddle.

Sky,
I made the mistake of putting all my eggs in one basket again, the Retrouvialle. In the end I forgot the main DBing rule, do what works and STOP doing what doesn't work. Retrouvialle is not for everyone, and my WH definitely would rather have his eyes gouged out with a hot spoon than spend another weekend being forced to express his emotions in such a regimented fashion. I thought if we tried to communicate in this structured manner that it would be a huge answer to our communication issues, come to find out I get more from him with DBing than with dialoging.

Leah,
Thank you so much. I wass ready for an onslaught of "I told you sos." and instead came to emotional comfort and support.

Ownit,
I once asked my 6 yo DD how she would felt if mommy and addy lived in different houses. She looked at me with her huge brown eyes and sad (with a trembling voice) "I have to go cry now." I felt a pressure on my chest that hasn't really left since then.

Nicole,
My WH is a...weird dude. He changes diapers, bathes babies, cleans boo-boos and almost cried when I started hinting that it was time for the kidlets to get in their own bed. His main defense though is typical of well....most men. He man-caves, he stops participating in all family activities and locks himself away. He kinda loathes the way women act in his culture, there is a LOT of henpecking and passive aggressive victim claiming. I don't think I've ever heard his mother say one positive thing about her life. My WH pays his parents mortgage and sends extra spending money. Meanwhile his sister (she is divorced from her arranged-marriage husband) lives there with her two kids and makes a crap ton of money and gives really nothing toward their care. But my MIL says my WH is a bad son, a bad Muslim and only complains when he calls. This explains a lot of his shutting down when criticism starts rolling in, it's like he's stuck as a berated child.

I will update on our M when I get back from the bathroom, kids are done and it's time for the routine.