How a treehouse can cost you your marriage

[Clyde]

I was reading Wonka's thread "Voyage into the MLCer mind". Wow, what a resource!

She mentioned her grandmothers passing being a possible trigger for her MLC (please correct me if I am interpreting this wrong).

A few months before the treehouse incident in which my W says was a turning point in our M, the grandmother to one of her brothers (different father) passed away.

I'm going to give some history on their R as I feel the dynamics of it are very relevant, and the whole scenario is something my W has brought up during our discussions as a reason the W resents me.

So to be clear, this was not my W's biological GM, rather the the GM to her oldest brother. There were a few very short times my W stayed w/ her growing up. My w referred to her as nana.

Nana had 3 grown kids who lived at home all their life and all had drug addictions at some point, she unintentionally facilitated these habits and there lack of drive to be independent, this woman also was a big facilitator in my MIL addictions/vises, and my BIL lack of independence/drive in life (he is the only BIL w/out a rap sheet however).

Shortly after the birth of our oldest D13, nana's health started to decline, she still financially provided for all these people via several refi's of her house, cooked, did all there laundry, and so forth. As her health slowly declined so did the state of her home, none of these people put much of an effort into caring for her or her there home.

We visited her often, at least once a week - the W and D even more. We noticed the house declining w/ her health, not much we could do as far as the house was concerned as she had all those people living w/ her, the place was far from cleanly and to compound matters she had a 16 year old blind dog (she refused to put out of its misery) that had no control over its bladder/bowel movements and would just do it business throughout the house. While attempts to clean up after the dog were made, it was almost pointless, the carpet retained much of the dogs waste... it got so bad that when we entered the house, it would make us gag.

Needless say, this is not somewhere we wanted our D hanging out crawling around on the ground. While we were still going there we would have to hold our D and not let her down it was so bad.

Eventually the W and I decided together that we would no longer take our D there for sanitary/health reasons, instead my W would pick up her nana at least once a week and take her out w/ our D. Beyond that we continually invited her to our house, in the 12 years we lived here before she passed she only came to our house once! Her grown kids and grandson (BIL) were sadly her only focus in life.

Even though my W would pick her up at least once a week, the fact we were no longer taking our D to her house caused resentment, at one point my BIL called our D a spoiled princess, was berating my W about it and so forth, (I talked to him about it but it did not stop until I took him outside and made it clear I would not tolerate it).

Nana showed her resentment by not calling my W, refusing to come to our wedding, and finally bringing my W to tears on her b-day by standing her up for their traditional breakfast date by not returning her calls days prior or on her b-day, no b-day wishes at all.