Looking for help from a Female MLC'er

[Sotto]

Hi Huddy, I'm sorry things haven't improved WRT your W and that you are struggling to move forwards. I'm going to offer a little 2x4 but it's a fluffy one okay?

If you look back over my posts on your thread - I wouldn't offer you any different advice to what I have offered already. I still think you may be looking for the 'magic bullet' here.

I think the central problem in your situation may be within rather then without. The critical thing is to work on the central premise of - I only get to control me.

In my situation, the worst marital outcome happened. XH D'd me and remains with OW in so far as I know. But here's the thing - though I was married to him, I didn't get to choose his choices. He chose them. And the choices he made, made a life together for us untenable. So, given his choices, I then made mine - and so life moved forwards.

This is what keeping the focus on you really means - accepting others will do what they will do - and living your life as best you can - and giving your best from wherever you are at each day (as Cali once said in a similar vein.)

That's all we can do Huddy - become the best us we can 'for us' and for our nearest and dearest too - whatever our WAS may be doing, choosing, deciding - all of that is up to them.

As for whether it is time to file for D - that's for you to choose. I can't really advise and it's such a personal choice. XH made that choice for us so I never got to that stage.

So my main advice would be - go back through your thread. Re-read what has already been posted to you. Start with a beginners mind and move forward from there.

Take care Huddy and I hope this is of help to you :-)