I'm feeling a bit stressed, tired and overwhelmed at the moment.
November was supposed to be a quiet month for me, work wise, before what I know will be a super busy December. But I've ended up with a lot of work. Which is great in one sense: it's fantastic to be in demand
I'm trying to keep my running, and am very slowly improving. It's interesting...you could go at it with a whole range of mindsets: aim to be the best, or the best in your specific field, or the best you can be, or better than you were yesterday, or just enjoying it for what it is on that particular day/in that particular moment.
I find myself floating through many different mental (as well as physical) states with it. In my past life I have been super competitive against myself with whatever I've been doing, pushing myself to the absolute limits of what I was capable of, and then a bit further...a perfectionist kind of mindset.
Now...I don't know. Maybe not quite so much. I mean, I know I still have that streak in me, it's just, I think I might be noticing the scenery a bit more now? I don't know. It definitely feels like something has changed, and perhaps for the better. I feel like it's easier to live with myself now.
Some nice news: I was out with the very handsome man on Friday. We went for a late lunch/pizza before I went to work on Friday evening. Walking up the road we bumped into one of my colleagues (one that also works with STBXH and knows a good deal of what went on). Anyway, I introduced them and we all said a quick hello, and she said I look more and more like a goddess...lol!
Then I met someone that I haven't seen since a while before the split, and she said she thought I looked 20 years younger and very fit.
I really love what I have with the very handsome man. He's lit something within me and is intriguing my soul in a very profound way. I am curious about the differences between us, and the things he is teaching me about himself and myself.
He has a very sensual (as in, of the senses) way of perceiving the world. He has a very instinctive feeling for beauty and appreciation of it. Of nature, for sure, but also in smaller things like the way he dresses (without being a dandy or a peacock, as STBXH was).
He has a creative soul, for definite, but it's tempered with a huge amount of good sense and practicality. I'm not sure what his XW saw of his creative, imaginative side and I don't think that she nurtured it much in him. I get the sense that she liked to be calling the shots and to be in control. But I like that someone is free to explore different parts of their being and actually encouraged to do so.
For Christmas I would like to make up a hardback book of a small selection of some of the many thousands of photographs he has taken over the years. He is a totally instinctive and incredibly talented landscape photographer. I've told him this and he says it's just luck, but luck would be the odd good shot here and there. He's taken hundreds and hundreds of stunning images that are incredibly atmospheric. I think seeing some of them, beautifully presented, will give him an incredible sense of achievement and pride in his talent.
Anyway, we'll see what the next few weeks brings...
