Looking for help from a Female MLC'er

[Huddy]

I have broke away from my old thread, as I'm spinning. I think Mrs Huddy may be reading, so, hello.

I've reached a crossroads, and I'm looking for an insight in to a Female/Woman/Lady/Girl who has been through MLC, come out the other side, and survived to give me some vital clues.

I am good friends with a former member of this parish, who has now D'd and is moving on (I won't tell you the name as it may cause some members on here to want to arm themselves with pitchforks!). I told him I had found some topless pictures of my wife on the kids computer, that had upset me greatly. He pointed me towards another website (CL) and it makes a lot of sense. The phrases she used, the actions she's taken, makes me think that I am getting to the stage of no return.

I'm thinking of a D. I don't want to, but I can't keep living like this. I'm not getting any younger, and I don't want to be on my own for the rest of my days. Sadly, I have gone snooping. It's easy, as my W can't handle a computer or cloud storage properly, so she doesn't know what she's doing.

From what I can see, she takes daily pictures of herself at all hours of the day and night. Most of these are plain pictures of her face, showing off her whitened teeth. She still looks as beautiful as the day I met her.

Some of the pictures are of her in her underwear. These are all selfies, but the main feature is the teeth. The third batch id pictures of her newly reconfigured boobs. I can still see visible scaring, but the shots are not alluring, in say, a porn way, but snaps taken laid down etc. There is also animation of her moving her lips. I know she has also joined a burlesque dance troupe, which is also a keep fit class.

I still get projection levelled at me. I called the kids the other week and I was told how I had let my son do something, and how W was getting no sleep as the kids were constantly in her bed etc.

So, I'm asking for help from the gentler sex as to what this means? I don't really want to D - I still love this woman. It goes against everything I have read on CL, but I can't keep going on. I miss the intimacy of being with another woman, and I get lonely. I do have a life of sorts - I went for a weekend away last week, had a great time and got merrily drunk, but when it comes to 'dating', I can't seal the deal. I put a profile up, and within minutes I take it down. I even went on one of those awful fuckbuddy type sites, but couldn't even se that one through.

I wonder if this is some kind of stage of depression/acceptance, or if I'm just being lined up for a fall? My mind is mush. The ex member of this parish sent me a message the other day saying how he now has a girlfriend. I'm really happy for him, but, it does make me realise I'm getting left behind on the life trail.

I've got my beautiful kids with me today after we went to a fireworks party last night, so, I'll dip in and out during the day to see if I have any responses or 2x4's.

I can forgive anything (even though the thoughts of my W being with another man makes me sick to the pit of my stomach), but it's pointless waiting if there is nothing to wait for.