Contact from the dark side.

[Irish M]

My advice is that you shouldn't set goals that are unattainable for your ex. Given your daughters ages, I would consider talking with them and feeling out what they would want to see before they would be comfortable seeing their mother. They may at first come up with crazy expectations but you can help to guide them. Use it as a teaching moment and help them to develop empathy and compassion.

Hi LT,
yes we have had this conversation. D17 right now expects her mom back like she was before she left. D15 wants just to see her ask about them . About her health. They see no love in her messages.
You are right about maybe never seeing that empathy. Time will tell. We are not in a rush.

I would address the drug issue and OM with the therapist before a meeting with girls and set a boundary if possible
It may get her to sober up/leave him if it means her R with the girls
Just my opinion. because you say she texts 8-5 only so is he still in picture
unless he is in therapy also to heal his wounds, he is still a problem

Hi Peace, yes he is still in the picture. Has a huge influence on her based on my last 2 days communicating with her. Until she escapes that grasp she cant move forward.

I'm also conscious she was very recently saying she wouldn't see them until they were 30/I didn't cheat/oh I did...and so on. Still flip flopping quite a bit and only recently in therapy - but good that she has decided to choose therapy.

I fully agree with Peace about OM and I would share that with the counsellor if you agree to see them. Also, was your XW potentially using too Irish? I can't recall without reading back..??

Hi Sotto,
Yes a lot of flip flopping. This is the longest we have been communicating since the beginning of this. She seems to be telling the truth but I catch her a few times slipping into lies. So I hope she continues her navigation to the light through therapy. On her drug use, Before BD, she only tried pot once with me at a party. Before having kids. Hated it. She was up to a month before BD on neighborhood watch , keeping an eye on the park near our home. Kids smoking up and such.

The MLC tone is still there with her, the fear of begin judged and called out on her chit by the girls seems to be the flagship as I would assume it to be. She overcame that same fear with you ... the girls I guess will be a bit different and she will need to become a bit more healthy to take that on, you see it and have expressed that very well back to her in a non-judgemental way.

Hey Cali,
Yes MLC tone very present. She seems to accept my remarks and quickly agrees or appologizes. The girls however she made it clear that they are not to raise their voice, call her out on anything or talk down to her.
So like you said, she needs to be a bit more healthy.

So FDriday Morning. Just after 8am lick clockwork.

Hi Irish :-)

Saw my therapist and he is open to seeing you . We can’t see him together as he is not a couple therapist . That takes a special training . We can find another therapist to handle us together

We don’t need a couple therapist . I would assist in any therapy for you and the girls . First for you to help you get through this


Just after lunch

I’m Looking to buy a house in 5 years
I have 2 more years to clear my bankruptcy then I’ll save for a house .
I have a plan. I have repairs to do on my car but no money. I'm still driving the same car. I'll need to get a new one, one day.

That’s great.
Would be nice closer to our town so the girls can see you more when ready.


I will see them Irish. I know I’m a good mom and I will sacrifice anything to have them in my life. I need to be a mom again.

I hate when people ask if I have kids and I need to lie or make up a story. It's killing me inside


Well I’m sorry that must be tough.


You know Irish, if we do go the therapy I hope we talk openly and work together.


I am open to therapy to help you and co-parenting. I get the feeling you are pushing couple therapy. We are not doing that


Then then mood changed

Irish , my therapist told me communication is important and I need to ask or say what I feel

What is it you want me to do or the girls need me to do . I do have limitations though

I can’t tell you what to do or what not to do. It needs to come from you. Your action.And besides you are an adult.


Irish tell me. I can’t understand what they want.

You can ask them.You have their emails.

I need you to help me .


Well I’ll be honest with you then. They won’t go to your town or deal with OM. You with OM is a big issue. They don't respect him and don't respect you for being with him.

Both are a major trigger

I see , so you are not over me yet. OM bothers you. You can’t accept him so the girls won’t accept him. Irish, I am no way moving back to your town or leaving OM


Well then I can’t help you. You say you want the girls back at any cost.
They want you not the enablers


I can have his teeth fixed. Maybe that’s what bothers them?


Him or another guy it makes no difference

You left them for those things. Put the girls last. During the hardest part of their lives. They don't want gifts, they don't want money.
They want a healthy mom


You are a broken man Irish. I see that it’s ok that you have a GF. But I can’t have a BF.

You are jealous lol. Now you manipulate the girls to not like him. You will never change Irish.


XW... Stop


You don’t truly see what you did. The effects it has caused


I don’t feel broken. I actually am happy where I am. I am raising 2 beautiful girls that are smart, stable, in school, not rebellious or acting out. Loving and make me smile every day.

I have a great career and yes I started seeing someone. After A YEAR of healing. And several months after that I introduced the girls. She respects me and I respect her. We are not moving in together. And no tattoos to represent our union. She respects the girls and that is the only thing that matters. Where it goes time will tell. I'm not in a rush.


I think we need to step back again and let you work on you.

I would of loved to help you but I think everything was going too fast.

Have a good weekend


interesting but what i get from it is she was trying to slip through me so I will convince or push the girls She can't act sane. They girls are aware of come of the conversation. I won;t tell them that their mother still chooses OM over them. XW is still deep in it. No point upsetting the girls.

hope you are all enjoying your weekend. Last message I sent was 4:49pm, Who wants to bet I get one back only on Monday after 8am.

Should I only reply after 5pm? and on weekends?