The list of complaints your WW has made about you is fine to use as a way of knowing some areas you may need to improve. For example, if she complained about your personal appearance (weight, clothes, hair, etc.), then make goals to correct it. If she has complained about a flaw in your personality or social skills, then practice....practice....practice everywhere you go when interacting with people. If she has complained about you not spending enough time with your kids (before she started all the wayward business), then improve your relationship with your children. If you have anger issues, drink too much, use bad language, or whatever.....then work to correct it. Working on yourself to become a better man and father can begin immediately.
Many newcomers who have a wayward W, become very confused and frustrated when they work toward correcting the complaints in the MR. I'm going to give you my personal view point. Her complaints often derive from many years of dissappointments, unmet expectations, resentment, etc. Hopefully, it's not too late for the marriage.........however, the current timing may require some delay in a few things you'd like to dive into right now. The painful truth about your W is that she is not interested in having you as her H at the present time, and it is useless trying to persuade her as long as another man is in her head.
Let's say for just an example that one of her complaints was the lack of intimacy in the MR. So, you want to start being a lot more intimate, and hopefully, she'll be pleased and both of you will be happy with the results. But, the more you try to approach her in an intimate way......the colder her response. When there's a laundry list of complaints from a WW, she may say you don't help with work around the house. So, you start doing everything to prove how much you want ro save the M. However, the W does less and less and focuses on her selfish desires more and more. Another common complaint is telling the H he wasn't at home enough. So, you resist GAL b/c now you think you need to be home and show her your changes......but she goes off into another room or finds excuses to leave you sitting with the kids while she's out playing. You are wondering, "What's the problem? I thought this is what you wanted".
The problem is that her heart is closed to you and has opened to another man. She is giving you old reasons that made her dissatisfied with the MR. If you put a lot of time & energy in being a better husband....according to her complaint list.....your applications may be in vain. However, approaching it as a better man, will help you see through her b.s. and how you really need to handle things on your end. When she ends the waywardness, then you can apply what you learn about being a better husband.
Don't become a slave to her complaint list. One clue that you have, is when that's your main focus and you are wanting to show her your changes. But when you are focused on becoming a better man, then you don't "need" to show her how hard you are trying to keep her. And, basically, that's what a H is doing when he kills himself trying to be "the perfect husband" according to his WW.
Make your own list......called goals.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
