Holding, I have a relative(not on these boards as far as I know) that was a LBH with two kids, found out his WW was having an affair with a co worker, kicked her out of the marital house. He never filed for divorce for lack of money, they were separated for almost 3 years and during that time the relative made a better version of himself, a much better version that was and is a great dad! HE started dating another woman while his WW moved in with the AP that turned her to drugs.
Around the 2 year mark of separation the WW started to come out of the fog and realized her greener pasture wasn't so green and started to really miss her old life and especially her kids. She left the AP and entered a treatment facility to clean her life up and reached out to my relative asking for forgiveness and wanting to come home. My relative said no at first but over the next 6 months he warmed up to the having her back. It started out with some "dating" and time with the kids and then she moved back in.
They have now been back together for about 6 years and are a model couple and family within my extended family. I'm not sure if that necessarily qualifies with what you asked but they would have been divorced if my relative had the money, he was done!
Last edited by Cadet; 11/03/1708:18 AM. Reason: Start a new thread message
I'm curious to know what happened to the woman your relative started dating. Did she get kicked to the curb when W returned? I can't really see myself getting rid of a loyal woman for a WWW who abandoned the family and is know a former drug addict.
I'm curious to know what happened to the woman your relative started dating. Did she get kicked to the curb when W returned? I can't really see myself getting rid of a loyal woman for a WWW who abandoned the family and is know a former drug addict.
Tread, The other woman didn't get kicked to the curb, they broke it off before the WW started coming back. The other woman has moved on with her own family and seems to have a great life. My relatives wife did all the hard work to regain the trust she lost with her actions, it has been a tough road but she is a changed person(for the better) She has been clean since they've been back together.
I've read here that D is just a piece of paper. I disagree. That's like saying M is just a piece of paper. D is a major, life -altering decision. It's an announcement to the world that your M is over. It's often a contentious and ugly struggle with someone you used to love. How do people ever get past that and recon?
The reason we say it's just a piece of paper is because by the time you end up in court, your M is long dead. It really ended at BD. It's like Cadet says now and then, most LBS's are D'd at BD, they just don't know it yet. The actual D is just a formality. All of those things you mention about announcing it to the world and such, that's already taken place before you ever find your way to court.
As for how people get past that and recon, well a large part of it is because the reason two people are together to begin with is because there is a magnetic bond there. They were attracted to each other more than anyone else in the dating pool. So much so that they decided to get M'd. So despite BD and all the bad blood over it, you are still her "type". After all the dust settles and the negativity surrounding BD, S and D has dissipated, you may find yourselves drawn together again. Of the D'd people I know that later reconciled, it took years. And it wasn't "hey let's try to force this to work for the kids" or whatever, it was "wow, you're pretty darned attractive and cute and funny and that spark is still there after all this time".
Quote:
where someone went into the reasons they were able to take the X back
In the couples I'm familiar with there were no particular reasons. They just fell in love all over again. It happened slowly- they started talking, then going out kind of as friends, then officially dating, then moving back in. Only one of the couples I know has actually remarried though.
AS, thanks on the additional input on recons post-D. I suppose things could change for me in a few years, I just don't see it happening at all, right now.
Btrow, I wasn't able to find any of LCR's threads, but the others were helpful. Here are some links for anyone else who's interested:
