Fighting my way out of the dark Part 5

[doodler]

Did you tell her parents who OM really waa?

Tread,

I didn't tell them, they knew something was wrong when I walked up to the door of my wife's hospital room and then walked away. Of course, I'm sure my XW told them that he was just a friend. I haven't talked to them since my XW moved out, but I think they've probably come to the conclusion that my XW's story wasn't exactly true (I've heard a few things through the grape vine).

[Holding]

Doodler, thanks for sharing that story. Man, that's harsh - having the OM visit her in the hospital. It took a lot of b@lls for you to make her leave so soon after the surgery, but I'm glad you did it! Being in f*ck you mode definitely helps in moments like that.

Ok, so here's a general question for everyone. Has any forum member here ever gotten a D and then later recon'd with their Ex? I'm not looking for stories of people you might know (I think 25 has a few like that), but actual members or former members.

Hopefully it's not a divisive question. I realize a success story here is for the LBS to be confident and happy in their future, not necessarily a recon. I also understand that some people may just drop off the board and never come back to report.

[Benito]

We got to solicitors, even had payoffs sorted, moved out of home and then recon.

So not the big D then recon - but still along the 'right' tracks I suppose

[Ginger1]

Doodler, thanks for sharing that story. Man, that's harsh - having the OM visit her in the hospital. It took a lot of b@lls for you to make her leave so soon after the surgery, but I'm glad you did it! Being in f*ck you mode definitely helps in moments like that.

Ok, so here's a general question for everyone. Has any forum member here ever gotten a D and then later recon'd with their Ex? I'm not looking for stories of people you might know (I think 25 has a few like that), but actual members or former members.

Hopefully it's not a divisive question. I realize a success story here is for the LBS to be confident and happy in their future, not necessarily a recon. I also understand that some people may just drop off the board and never come back to report.

Yes, it's been done.

[EastTN]

My parents were divorced and remarried each other a couple of years later. Not the ending you're looking for, but their second marriage lasted about two years.

Their reasons for reconciling largely involved me.

I realize you asked for personal experiences, but I did live it.

[doodler]

Has any forum member here ever gotten a D and then later recon'd with their Ex?

Holding,

I'm sure there are some who've reconciled after divorce; I read somewhere that 10% of couples that divorce ultimately remarry.

The reason I'm responding to your question is because I assume the motivation for asking the question is to get some idea of the potential for reconciling with your wife. You haven't physically separated yet; you'll be surprised how quickly feelings can change after separation. After my separation it only took me a few days to realize just how badly my candy @ss had been bullied and badgered by my wife. Up until that point I would've gladly reconciled.

The reason I mention that is because I suspect the problem with reconciliation is often because the LBS doesn't want anything to do with the ex-spouse. In my case, I'm 99.8% certain that I can't reconcile with my XW. Why? It's not because I wouldn't love her (I'll always love her); it's because if I detected anything approaching a lack of respect, I'd send her packing. I honestly don't think she could last an hour with me before I'd boot her out the door. Knowing that, it wouldn't be right for me to entertain reconciliation.

You'll probably feel very differently as soon as you have some physical and temporal space between you and your wife.

[LH19]

Ok, so here's a general question for everyone. Has any forum member here ever gotten a D and then later recon'd with their Ex?

Holding I thought you were no longer interested in reconciliation?

[Holding]

Benni, thanks for the input. You have a great success story, but I am asking about actual post-D recons. Please don't think I'm trying to discount your sitch though!

Ginger, do you have any specifics? Maybe a member's name we can look up?

East, thanks for sharing that. I'm sorry the remarriage only lasted 2 years.

Doodler and LH, I actually am NOT considering recon, though I can see how you might've thought that. I guess I should've been more clear why I asked. Several people IRL have asked me if I would take STBXW back later, after D. One friend even warned me that she will be back. But I can't see EVER wanting her back, she is toxic and not anyone I want in my life. But since people ask me this question all the time, I've been curious HOW they could take someone back after something like D happens.

I've read here that D is just a piece of paper. I disagree. That's like saying M is just a piece of paper. D is a major, life -altering decision. It's an announcement to the world that your M is over. It's often a contentious and ugly struggle with someone you used to love. How do people ever get past that and recon?

So that's what I'm curious about. And if there's a thread here that I could read about it, where someone went into the reasons they were able to take the X back, that would be really interesting to me.

[Btrow]

Ok, so here's a general question for everyone. Has any forum member here ever gotten a D and then later recon'd with their Ex?

Yeah there are some members here who did it. RandyH and LCR to mention two. Randy R after 3 years and LCR after 10...was that what you were looking for also search for dday101798.. The timeline was shorter there... Started piecing 17 months after S (and 6 months after D was final).

[Holding]

Yes, Btrow, that's exactly what I'm looking for. Thanks!!!