At the very beginning of the process I was made aware of how her friends husbands treated their wives and how they were so different and they would never say (the things that I was saying to my wife) to their wife. So she was definitely having fantasies outside of us that’s for sure. Some say an emotional or imaginary fantasy are just as bad as a traditional 'affair' so there were definite signs. That being said, she was so lost and depressed that its obvious now that she was trying to find some salvation out of the inner turmoil she was experiencing and as I was the main source of that unhappiness - me out of the picture was obviously the best way forward for her. She was based at her parents so I am unsure what she got up to during that time, but what could I do about it?
Trying to control things got me into this mess in the first place so I just let whatever needed to happen just happen and focus on myself and hope that over a period of time the cards would fall into place.
I think the biggest issue is that the LBS actually believes that they have to find that magic secret to bring them back. When in reality, that does nothing but tell the WAS that they are being controlled and smothered again. It has to be a totally organic and free and open decision by the WAS to come back based on their wants and needs. For them to feel comfortable the WAS needs to feel attracted to the LBS again and feel in their heart that coming home is a better option than taking advantage of this fresh start they have in front of them i.e. (new beginnings, new career, new relationship). In the world that we live in i.e. with so many options for each person to start a new life again - Coming back to a situation they have left (that they were unhappy with) is a ridiculously hard thing to achieve.
