Contact from the dark side.

[Irish M]

Hi Everyone

well I had a super Halloween. My house for the 7th year was a huge hit with the neighborhood kids and adults. Many thanked me for going all out and even had a few families saying they always look forward to my haunted house. The girls stayed with me this year to add to the scares and didn't go trick or treating. No worries, I bought so much candy we are good until Christmas.

for the questions on XW.

Has her physical appearance changed?

I'm also curious as to how she looks.

She actually looked good. Healthy. Same as I remember her prior BD. No shark eyes. A little sad but only when talking about herself. When I mentioned that I too it wasn't easy.And of course the girls had it the worst, she showed no empathy. But I could see the wheels spinning. A part from her tattoos that were visible she looked like she was the same person that I shared 17 years with.

She did glance away when we got into the deep of the conversation and crossed her arms (defensive gesture) a few times.

How did you/do you feel after the meeting?

Please share your thoughts once you've let everything sink in a bit.

I felt weird. 2-1/2 years is a long time. It was like seeing an old friend after so many years and talking like it was yesterday. But at the same time I was having flash backs at the cold faced, dark eyed monster. I wanted so much to dig into her and tell her off.

However I didn't. The compassion side I have for her kept me at bay. I wanted to see where she was with all this. What her plan was. I really want her to connect with the girls. In a healthy way.

I got a text from her. With pictures of her disguised with 2 other woman. She accompanied them out with their little children. Said it was fun and made her think of times we went out with the girls.

I sent her a picture of the girls.


thanks Irish. They look amazing. So scary.

then she replied a question she avoided at our meet up.

You asked me a good question Irish. If one of our girls acted out like I did and did crazy things, or said things that did not make sense. What would I do?

Well I would be the best person she can talk to because I will tell her to love herself, that she will not be any happier and she will only hurt the people she loves and that love her.

Good to know. I hope our girls won't go down that path so it's now we need to educate them and be there for them so they hopefully will have the tools to deal with life. I wish your mom did the same but she was probably unable to help you.

Irish, can i look for a therapist now for me and the girls. I would like you to sit in as well because it will be important we both tell the tale so the therapist can have the whole picture. I really need you to help me.

Lets work on you some more. You are doing great and you can't help others until you help yourself. I hope you understand. I am in your corner. I want the girls to have a healthy mom.

I replied at 8pm. Her last post was 4:59pm. She has the habit still of only texting between 8am and 5pm.


8Am today.

Hi Irish. If we talk today can we only talk about the future. Not the past. What can I get the girls for Christmas? I would like to offer them something. Can you give me ideas?

Hi XW, well Christmas is not far away and I think we need to pace ourselves. I won't be pushing this on the girls. I hope you understand. Call it controlling, I call it protecting. The girls have been through a lot and you tend to not show empathy to what they went through and how they suffered. The past will need to be dealt with one day. Either we talk about it. The girls talk to you about it or in therapy. We can't just jump to a happy reunion. It will bite us in the butt. I won't let them get hopes up either.

I understand Irish. I would do the same. I am working on me. Trying to get past this test or whatever it is. I feel life threw me into a bad place and I am fighting to get out. But I understand you protecting them.


I will ask my therapist tonight what he thinks is good. If I need to wait some more before seeing the girls. When I do see them they need to respect me and not yell or call me names.

She is so afraid of confronting them. Disgruntle teens will give it to her. I know my girls. They have strong characters and wont let her twist the story. She needs to be open to that before they meet.

Can I give you money so you can buy them something. Don't tell them its from me. this way I feel like I am part of their Christmas.


I have a question for you. Would you like to be bought. Gifts, money. The girls don't care about gifts. The cared about you. The best gift you can give them is what you are doing now. Working on yourself.

You are right. I would never want to be bought into someones life. Thanks

I will ask my therapist if he wants to see you. Would you be open to seeing him. Not at the same time as me. But separate so you can tell him you side. Fill in the blanks. Also, I have a question for you. What will it take you to trust me. To convince the girls to see me?

that last message was at 4:59pm. I figure no point in answering. I will reply at 8:01am.

it is getting interesting. At the same time I don't see her compassion for the damage she caused. Still about her. Still doesn't ask how they are. So I will continue this as long as I see progress with her therapy. Don't get me wrong. I see a lot of positive. Just not there yet.

have a good night.

Irish