My heart goes out to you. Yes, the journey you are on doesn't have a set path for you to follow. For each of us, it was unchartered territory, but in time, we came here and began the work of healing and using the tools that others had provided. A wise one said that we read the postings, learn the tools and the most valuable lesson is to take away those tools that we can use. The tools that you can't, just put them away.
LAJar, please trust me when I say that your h may realize at some point what type of hurt that you and your family have experienced because of his crisis. At this time, you are the one experiencing all of the pain and hurt and yes, you are facing these obstacles each and every day head on and some day, the pain will not be so great. At this time, your h is in La La Land and thinks that the world is wonderful. He is free to do whatever he wants, etc. But, one day, when the shine has worn off that word "freedom", that is when he will realize just what he has lost. Now, some will never admit they've messed up...but there are many who will regret all that they have done. Let's hope that your h will be strong enough to come out the other side and seek you out to make amends.
You love this man and you know that he's not acting like himself. None of them make wise/good choices when in crisis. Everything is spur of the moment or knee jerk reactions and we all know how those decisions sometimes turn out. His decisions are being made because he is very emotional and not thinking clearly or sitting on the ideas before implementing them.
I am so sorry you are here and having to deal w/this. I traveled this road many years ago and I still remember how I felt when the bomb was dropped on me. Take each hour/day as it comes and if you need to cry, please do so. No one should expect you to be Miss Suzy Sunshine all of the time. This MLC stuff is not for the faint of heart, but I have faith in you and I know that you will be more than "fair" in any decisions that you need to make.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
