I have been GAL and detaching. But the counselors are pretty much along the lines of cut ties with this woman andvcomplerelt move on. Saying that I deserve to find a good woman out there. Not tomorrow, but as long as I am committed to W the longer that pushes that back.
As for commitment, I thinkbthat is ginebat the moment. Hence the reason for strongly considering the divorce. Looking at TxHubby sitch. He waited until it got to the point where he just said he'll with it, I want to be happy. A WW will always be the elephant in the room even when everything in your life is going great. They only part of my life right now that isn't good is my MR. All ither aspects has seriously improved. And I have plans going into 2018 to make it even better.
Thanks for the advice. It makes sense, but I often wonder if that is just the fear of completely letting go. Apparently through the experience, I have abandonment issues that I had no clue about.
I have seen that as a theme throughout your posts. it's like you can't make a decision on your own because you are afraid of doing the wrong thing. You can't rely on others to make your decisions. You may be wrong sometimes and that is ok. You learn from it and move on. Take responsibility and accountability for your decisions.
See, this is part of learning to be an independent adult. You can't look to others for these decisions. Trust yourself.
Not sure if divorce would make me happy. But it helps with moving on from what I hear. Never been divorced, so I honestly Can't say if it would or not.
Ginger,
Most of the time, I have no issues with making major decisions. Just things that I know I would seriously regret if it turned out wrong. I made the decision to get the lawyer draw up the paperwork. Sent it to W and then no response from her. Which has me now wondering what the deal is.
The waiting is what had your mind wondering once you made a decision. You start thinking is there something in play going on. Is this God finally answering a prayer? Is W simply being manipulative? Most of the time I am good just GAL and detaching. But it is these moments where you wonder what the next move is. Does my MR require me to be more patient? And if so what is time limit on patients. I assume I could wait another year. But wouldn't that simply standing still if nothing progresses?
Does my MR require me to be more patient? And if so what is time limit on patients. I assume I could wait another year. But wouldn't that simply standing still if nothing progresses?
I think everyone has tried to ask you this in a million ways and we have tried to answer this in a million different ways.
If your actual divorce doesn't progress and you don't get the papers to make it legal, why would you stand still mean? What does progressing mean? The only thing that may change due to whatever you may believe is dating. but dating right now I personally think is a bad idea for you.
Why would you stand still with your life if you do not file for D?
And for the record. You may GAL, but you are soooooo far from detached.
T...to add I am 5 months in and I know that I am not completely detached. I am getting there each day but IMO it is a process and not a light switch. For me detachment is a constant work in progress.
I think the point is that you can move on with your life in many ways without your W being involved. Can you do that?
IMO having a piece of paper in your hand should not help you move on. You can start mentally doing that now by accepting that your MR is over and technically you are already D'd.
So why did you have the L draw up paperwork and send it to W if you arent going to see it through? THAT sounds manipulative to me. Like you are hoping/expecting tat maybe the paperwork will cause her mind to change.
Let's say you filed the paperwork this instant and you were divorced. What SPECIFICALLY would be different in your situation?
So what is the point if staying married if your spouse is out just fooling around? No one saidna thing about standing still without a divorce. But people did do get divorced for a reason. And I would assume that constant infidelity would be a reason. Divorce to me means completely moving on. At this point, even detached you still leave yourself open to hope.
