Definitely going to stick with those method. S14 is going to be staying with W for a weekbstarying tonight, so I some GAL activities in mind.
Joseph,
Clarity is tough I suppose. Gave my W the divorce papers my lawyer sent me for her to sign 4 weeks ago. Still no word in regards to that. Put it out if mind that W may have been having second thoughts. She claimed she wanted the divorce, Simone would think she would have been quick to sign. W IC who she hadn't seen since March let slip out that it sounds she was still being manipulative.
OwnIt,
Actually I am quite calm and controlled. I do my my venting in here to avoid saying anything to crazy in the world...LOL. But I read an anger management book earlier this year about defensive anger that described me perfectly. And I made 180s in that regards. My frustration right now is feeling like a fool. Especially when friends and family are at the point of telling that it's time to move on. Any staying married to W at this point is in me.
Kaizen,
It means moving on from this MR. My brother and his W were had a very dysfunctional MR. They separated moving to different states. She had a boyfriend and he had several women. My brother was definitely the WH in this situation. 1.5 years later they got back together. And they are so much better this time around. So I told myself after BD if these two of all people can make it work. Then we can definitely work on this MR.
Which is why I am hesitant to ask W abiut the divorce papers. Because she maybe having second thoughts. Not to mention that would lead to R talks. But I hate being in limbo. Separationcan mean different things to people. For me it's sitting here working on myself avoiding temptation. For W it could be dating and sleeping with anyone she wants. Seeing if someone better is out there for her. And if not, then plan B it is. So I wonder if this some kind of break period should I be trying to see if there is someone better for myself? Is W my possible plan B, even though she isn't really W material at this moment? So there is still a lot to think about. But I do know is that I hate waiting and being unproductive. I want tobse this time to know more about myself in all aspects.
It means moving on from this MR. My brother and his W were had a very dysfunctional MR. They separated moving to different states. She had a boyfriend and he had several women. My brother was definitely the WH in this situation. 1.5 years later they got back together. And they are so much better this time around. So I told myself after BD if these two of all people can make it work. Then we can definitely work on this MR.
Which is why I am hesitant to ask W abiut the divorce papers. Because she maybe having second thoughts. Not to mention that would lead to R talks. But I hate being in limbo. Separationcan mean different things to people. For me it's sitting here working on myself avoiding temptation. For W it could be dating and sleeping with anyone she wants. Seeing if someone better is out there for her. And if not, then plan B it is. So I wonder if this some kind of break period should I be trying to see if there is someone better for myself? Is W my possible plan B, even though she isn't really W material at this moment? So there is still a lot to think about. But I do know is that I hate waiting and being unproductive. I want tobse this time to know more about myself in all aspects.
So the only thing you see that would be fundamentally DIFFERENT between throwing in the towel vs. not is dating someone else? Is that what you mean by "productive"?
At this I feel I should be plan A. But W won't acknowledge that until things blow up in her face. Then she will look at her plan B who she'll realize was plan A all along. I have no issue dating myself for awhile. Right now I am really trying to figure out what type of characteristic a woman that I want at this point? Guess I am not really interested in dating. But I would like to hang out with different types of women just to see what I would like at this point. I was married at 21. So my views at 37 is quite a bit different than they were.
T...it doesn't sound like you truly want a D and maybe you did it to get a reaction out of your W. If you really don't want one then don't reach out and leave her alone. If on the other hand you have complete 100% non-emotional clarity on the sitch then proceed, reach out and engage with the D talks. Put pressure on her etc. Only you can answer that question for yourself.
I agree with K and G......if your only barrier is dating other women you can't put that on the back burner until you have seen your current sitch through to completion? Is this the only way you can move on with your life? Is this the only way you can find peace and happiness?
Your a young man T with a long life ahead of you what is some more time in the grand scheme of things? I would just encourage you to make sure you can look back with no regrets.
At this I feel I should be plan A. But W won't acknowledge that until things blow up in her face. Then she will look at her plan B who she'll realize was plan A all along. I have no issue dating myself for awhile. Right now I am really trying to figure out what type of characteristic a woman that I want at this point? Guess I am not really interested in dating. But I would like to hang out with different types of women just to see what I would like at this point. I was married at 21. So my views at 37 is quite a bit different than they were.
This does not come from hanging out with other women. This comes from getting to know yourself independent of your W.
Stop worrying about whether she thinks you are plan X Y or Z and get to know who you are independent of her. The kind of women who is for you follows after that.
being married since 21 is hard. you are in this place where she still is a factor in your personal decisions and you are ready to see what woman meshes with you when you don't even really know who the true you is independent of being your W's H.
Dating other women isn't required to move on. Just wondering what type of women I would be interested in. During this whole finding myself process, I have eliminated friends who were no good and added some good people in my life. So I look at dating somewhat like that, just trying to figure out who I want to deal with. But I am in no rush to date. Though if the opportunity happens, then it's something to consider.
You are right about me not being sure about this divorce. Probably has tobdobwuth my indecisiveness more than anything. I was all for it, but in this small corner in the back of mind, I have doubts. But for all I know that might just be fear of moving on. My indecisiveness is the reason I have no tats, even though I want one. I feel I will regret it within a week....lol
I haven't thought indepently at any time as an adult. Dated W as a teen and looked out for her best interest ever since. Being separated has helped me actually get back to what I was like prior to getting married, so there has been some good. Guess the biggest issue I am having lately is people asking me what are you doing in regards to divorcing W. I try staying cool, but it gets to you after a while with folks wondering what am I waiting for in regards to her.
you are in this place where she still is a factor in your personal decisions and you are ready to see what woman meshes with you when you don't even really know who the true you is independent of being your W's H.
Exactly.
You are talking about throwing in the towel...but Im not sure what that means for you. Filing for divorce? Sure. Fine. Knock yourself out. I dont really see how that would change your life any. So what are these counselors suggesting that you DO?
Guess the biggest issue I am having lately is people asking me what are you doing in regards to divorcing W. I try staying cool, but it gets to you after a while with folks wondering what am I waiting for in regards to her.
Why do you have to be 'waiting' for anything?
You are standing by your commitment. What does that have to do with her?
