+3 on this one Chris....be still, don't do anything. IMO the WWS gets strength and confidence from the LBS every time we engage in R talks, gravel over them, let them know our feelings etc. If we continue to do it we continue to stoke the flames. If we stop, remove ourselves from the equation they can no longer feed their ego's from our energy. She is the hurricane and your the warm waters of the Gulf of Mexico. Let her make landfall and slowly dissipate.
Chris, your W has tried to bait you so many times with guilt. I hope you can see the pattern now. The second she says anything to you that makes you feel guilty, you should recognize what's going on, and always default to not responding.
Maybe you're wondering, "Well, maybe it's not intentional manipulation. Maybe this is just the way she operates." My answer to that is "So what?" If it's not intentional, that just means she's naturally manipulative.
When she lays this guilt on you, and you start to feel this discomfort inside swelling up, ask yourself why she has this power over you. How does her having that power make you feel? Don't let her have that power.
Me-47,XW-43 S13,S16 M:18 BD:4-23-17 W filed:7-17-17 (5 months of in-house separation hell) W moved out:1-6-18 D granted:2-15-18 Decree signed:3-29-18
I am glad you all are saying this, and I am even more glad I did notice this while she was speaking to me. Also, I am glad it was over the phone, b/c I am not sure how I would have taken this if it were face to face.
I absolutely felt the discomfort inside swelling up; at that point in time, I just start to clam up I guess, and search for words in my head. The "power" makes me feel very uncomfortable and like there is nothing I can say to make things smooth again - which is my NGS. I am trying to learn I DO NOT NEED TO MAKE THINGS SMOOTH; I just need to hear her point of view. This is the hard part for me, and I am beginning IC for my passive/NGS traits.
M:30 W:28 T:9 MR:2.5 NoKids Seperation 1: 9/16-12/16 Move back in: 1/17 BD: 8/15 She moved out: 9/1
Unbelievable; I know I’m not going over there. Do I / should I respond?
Also; this is just in terms of the whole WW mentality. I know many LBS might hate this; but it has to be so hard for a human to go through such emotional ups and downs. Sandi; although you were the WW and caused your H so much pain; I feel for you too. Relationships are so hard.
M:30 W:28 T:9 MR:2.5 NoKids Seperation 1: 9/16-12/16 Move back in: 1/17 BD: 8/15 She moved out: 9/1
Unbelievable; I know I’m not going over there. Do I / should I respond?
You already know the answer. Don't respond. Don't entertain her attempts to keep you attached--because that's all this is. The longer you allow yourself (and I use that wording purposefully--because you ARE allowing it) to be kept on the hook as a nice, safe, fallback plan and source of cake, the longer (and quite possibly worse) things will get.
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I know many LBS might hate this; but it has to be so hard for a human to go through such emotional ups and downs.
There's absolutely nothing wrong with feeling empathy for another human being, no matter what they have done to you or anyone else. Don't allow your empathy to do you harm, though
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