Gordie: MLC W with a BF...negotiating our D #12

[bttrfly]

we didn't lose ourselves. we simply put parts of ourselves aside for the relationship and the family. this happens. when you're working, married, and with kids it's easy to let aspects of yourself slide.

example - I used to love live music. stopped all that. now I enjoy going out to a concert once in a while with friends.

hey - before i had son i never went to a little league, kids' soccer, hockey or football games. as our lives change as couples and evolve as parents so too, do our interests. it's not about us anymore, it's about the kids. it's about the family. so personally, i think it's natural to put ourselves aside for the greater good.

i think with MLC, there's something that snaps in the MLCr. One day they are the loving spouse we've come to depend on. Next day, they become the exact opposite. These people are broken before they even met us. They're pre-programmed to self-destruct. We just don't know when the bomb will go off.

Regarding your mom - that's probably because in her generation it was usually the guy who walked out. Don't take it personally - hard to do, I know - factor in her generation's experiences. Even nowadays it's so hard for us to believe mothers would walk out on their kids, but we've seen that here with a few of our fellow LBS's.

So Gordie here's my list that saved my bacon when I was in the same place you now find yourself, much of this courtesy of Job:

1. Don't plan more than one week out
2. Do something physical - swim, walk, weights - every day
3. Keep it in the day/hour/minute - whichever you need at the time
4. Give yourself permission to grieve a certain amount of time every day - for me, it was during my shower. I could cry and lose my $h!t in the shower but had to pull it together when I was out of the bathroom and facing the family and going through my day

5. Stay hydrated, try to eat healthy foods, self-care, self-care, self-care for yourself and for the kids.

You got this. I'm sorry you're in this place. Keep your focus on the life you will have after this. Yes, it's not the future you envisioned. That doesn't mean it won't be something wonderful beyond your expectations.

xoxoxo