I don't think we are over reacting. You are deceiving yourself. You are scared and co-dependent. You don't have a healthy MR, and you are grasping at straws to give sufficient reasons for staying with someone who clearly shows contempt for you. And, b/c she has so much contemp for you......her rage will turn on the kids even more now. Last night was just a small example of what will be coming from her.
You are the one who needs to wake up and see what she is doing to you, your children, and your family!
