Gordie: MLC W with a BF...negotiating our D #12

[Gordie]

Gordie

I don't have much to offer on this beyond one small(ish) thing. After bomb-day and even before I found this place I set out some "ground rules / boundaries" with my wife.

One key one was that her guy was not to even set foot on our property. You may want to set similar rules out where you want nothing of her guy including his picture in the house. You can honestly say that it causes you pain. Hopefully she will be understanding.

Too bad you aren't able to swing by my house for Halloween. I've got candy plus rum for the adults - might be a bit of a drive. I'm working from home today as usual on Halloween and am already dressed up in my pirate outfit like I've done for nearly 10 years. I'm going to haul the sloop out at lunch time and decorate it up. No sails up this year because it's supposed to be breezy. Fingers crossed for good weather. Rain and possibly snow is in the forecast for this evening but not too much.

You've been doing an amazing job Gordie. As tough as it is to put one foot in front of the other some days, keep at it. When it gets too tough, know what the prize is. Healthy, well adjusted kids and the ability to look at yourself in the mirror.

If you can figure out how to take a break - perhaps a weekend away of your own - now might be a good time. One thing I used to do back in the day was to alternate between the two different kids to go Christmas shopping in the "city".

Andrew,

I can say that: seeing or hearing about OM2 causes me pain. She may or may not care Bout that, but at least I should have the balls to say it to her face. But first I need to get this settlement signed. And wish I could have celebrated H day with you!

Journaling (venting):

Of course, I just spent a lot of time and money to re write the agreement and now w is changing her mind about certain provisions. Now need another L meeting. W is now upset she will have less money after d (not sure why this is news).

W has been up and down all week: Sad telling me all about her regrets about her life. Sentimental telling me how much she loves and and needs me (in person and in text). The good news is that I am just tired of all her crazy so I am polite and kind but I really am more detached than ever about what she is saying and doing. The unapologetic R with OM2 helps with detachment.

Tonight she told me she is going over to OM2’s for another sleepover and I actually felt...kind of relieved that she was removing herself from my presence. On her way out she tells me I really do love you. I say nothing but want to scream: if you loved me you wouldn’t be walking out the door to sleep with another man. But as all of you have said, my words won’t wake her up from this mess.

It is still hard for me to believe all of this is really happening. The situation is at times beyond belief. I guess that’s the denial part.

Live in the moment. Let go of w. Try not to dwell on the past or future. Control what I can control: me. No moping. No snooping. Fake it until I make it. I’ve been doing better at faking it. One day I will make it. Allow myself to feel that anger and then let it go. Grieve the life I had and the future I will not. Thank God for my blessings: the kids, my health, my sanity, real friends who have supported me, my job.

Another thing that irked me but I was embarrassed to write here. When I told my mom that I am getting d, my mom assumed that it is my fault. Have you left the church? Did you cheat on her? Thanks mom!

Lastly, I have noticed more women giving me attention. Maybe I just never noticed before. Maybe it’s because I took the ring off. Maybe it’s because I’ve been working out like crazy. No matter, I’m not interested in another R now. I need to date myself for a while, maybe a long, long while. But I need to make that decision for me on my time. It bugs me that w keeps telling me to get a g f.

SBJ wrote that he is trying to find himself post d (while rooting for the Astros). Did we all lose ourselves in m? Did I lose myself?