So, W arrived home with the kids, I chatted to them for a while and then put them to bed. I had all my stuff ready to go. I quickly said goodnight, gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek (she didn't reciprocate, she usually does). I said goodnight and left. On the hugs, it's very awkward when saying goodbye as we both just kinda stand there. I've tried a hand hold but then she looks at me funny. I think today has sent her back to the start again, just back to hating me. I feel if I just walk away it's quite disrespectful and shows no affection on my part. Also, I think it might be beneficial to hold on to whatever intimacy still remains.
I think with the weekend looming, I can get stuck into getting the new house sorted and ready for the kids. I feel once I'm moved out I'll be able to at least have some space from it all.
What really kills me is that it has happened here, we have no family or real friends here, we've lived here 10+ years but it's miles away from our families, very far from mine especially. She told me today she is going to my hometown to visit her sister who moved back there, with the kids, I asked if she could take them to see my Mum, as it's been months since they've visited. She said yes and that she would call her first, I told her to prepare herself for a hard time (I also warned my Mum to take it easy). I just lost my brother 3 months ago so my Mum is still reeling from it as am I, and this just makes her feel worse as she has always seen my W as her daughter. I find it amazing that she would want to visit, as she doesn't deal with emotion at all and usually runs away from people crying, my Mum is a very emotional person so I really don't know how it's going to turn out. She'll be the first person to probably disagree with my W.
I also think that I'm more worried about the impact on the kids if we can't reach some kind of equilibrium. I guess my W needs to start being a bit more civil, and I need to begin to move forward to get out of being so emotional so I don't lose my $hit every time I see her.