Any Advice 3

[sandi2]

I did try to tell my H. It took a long time, b\c after the OM, things were more complicated. I started HRT and took anti_depressants. I read a small library of books. And, I stuck with the DB board.

[AndrewP]

I've not been following along on this thread but am picking up the general "how / why" questioning.

Over on the MLC forum there is a series of posts from AmyC who was here a long time ago.

It may be helpful if you are looking for perspective on the wayward side to give them a read. They were very helpful to me.

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2253741#Post2253741

[Tread]

AndrewP,

Thanks for posting that thread on AmyC. That is exactly what I am going through with my own sitch. In another month I will be entering 1 year of BD. This was quite helpful in my decision to continue to let go.

[AnotherStander]

And I was just having this discussion with some male and female friends. This happens a lot with the lack of sharing information. My W biggest issue was how she thought I would react. Now I could understand if I did things that would make her think I would react a certain way. But she couldn't give an example on any behavior from me that would make her think that way.

Yeah, I can relate to that. My XW said something very similar- that she was "afraid" to tell me things because of how I would react. However, whenever she did get around to telling me I usually reacted calmly and sat down with her to figure out what to do. Nevertheless, her "fear" was real even if completely unjustified. Honestly I think a lot of this kind of stuff we have to chalk up to "learn to do better and move onward" because we can't fix 10 or 20 or 30 years of our W's thinking like that. All we can do is educate ourselves through reading, and try to do better in the future, whether with her or someone else.

I'm not defending your W by any means, I mean anyone who commits to someone for life and then has an affair has crap morals and questionable integrity in my opinion. All of this introspection we do, it's not because we were terrible and our wives were perfect. It's because it's all we can do. We can only work on ourselves.

[Tread]

AnotherStander,

The craziest part is that her abusive mother is the reason she likely uses that logic. But yet since the A those two have been as thick as thieves. W walks around acting and talking lile the her mother who she talked bad about for years. Perfect example of generational dysfunction.

[CW2017]

So you might just imagine the dynamics in my household where my W's mother lives with us and I am forever walking on eggshells as it came out in MC how controlling the MIL was, banning her from relationships in her teens (due to the expectation of an arranged marriage) so not only do I have to deal with a wayward wife but also their tempestuous relationship which is still fullon despite her M being very elderly.

[gw5263]

Spent the night at the hospital with my wife. Came home and she said she did not feel well and was exhibiting signs of a heart attack. She was taken to the hospital and was apparently in the beginning stages of a mild heart attack.doctors said that they were able to stop it in time to prevent damage. She's home now off work until a cardiologist visit Monday. She wanted to argue with me about going to the hospital, saying it was just indigestion. I know what this site is all about, it I just wanted to put this out as a cautionary statement- doctor told her that many people had signs and symptoms and put it off to indigestion. If you or anyone you know has any of these signs or symptoms please go get checked! The doctor said too many ignore it and end up having an attack which does damage to the heart. If caught in time they can stop the damage or limit it. Please don't ignore the signs!

[Holding]

GW, you did the right thing, which is actually a big deal given your sitch.

Had I been in your shoes, I'm honestly not sure how I would have handled it, especially if my W had said it was only indigestion.

You're a good guy!

[CW2017]

Power to you GW you never know what the symptoms might lead to. I had sort of a similar situation earlier this year. One evening my W sat up in bed at 11pm and said she had bad chest pains. She got me to google angina and I told her that the random variety is caused by emotional stress. She said "of course not, it must be work". What I found out later from her text conversations was that they both finished work early (she had a heavy cold, he had business abroad). She admitted that in driving home she almost followed him back to his house. So I guess "love was hurting" her at that relatively early stage.

Anyway the pains were bad enough that I had to get an ambulance and we were int the ER until 530 am and I barely said a word to her all night. She was checked out with blood tests, echo cardiogram etc. and was discharged all being well. You just have to step up in those situations I guess.

[gw5263]

I didn't hesitate.ivebeen with her for so long I know when something isn't right. She likes to downplay it but I know the signs. To top it off she has a bad valve and had another mild attack in 2007. Even if we weren't talking I'd be there for her. Didn't do it to be a hero, just a human. I still love her much and don't want anything to happen to her. Things have been odd here any way, since last tuesday. They haven't been communicating like before, and I almost believe they are having serious issues . Her coworker who was her cheerleader asked to meet me day before yesterday and asked for my side, which I gave her. She said that she, along with others at W work have been having a change of heart regarding thier support of the A. She stated they were contemplating a come to Jesus because they noticed how the kids and I interacted and how W was talking about me at work. They believe like everyone else that she is confused and does not know what she wants to do....... She's had a lot off loss lately due to her A and I believe the heart attack may have capped it all. She was worried and acted surprised that I cared so mug and stayed with her until she was released. When she came home I took care of her and she kept thanking me for caring for her.
Like I said, I didn't do it to be a hero, but because I truly care for her.