I don't think it's displaced guilt. I think some of it was, early on, but later (especially after she moved her stuff out) it turned into something else. I've been told by someone (who used to be close to her) that she's being spiteful and doesn't want me to have anything. I've been told by someone else (not close to her, but in a position to have the information she gave me) that the plan was to "take you for everything you have."
Why? I think my dating is a big part of it, which makes no sense, as she was having an affair (the last time it came up, which was a couple of months ago, she even continued to deny that the man she is living with is OM2). She's said that I did her wrong by "not being there for her" when she was "depressed" (personally, I think that means that I was supposed to be ok with her affair and allow her to keep OM while remaining in the marriage. I could be wrong). She's told me that I did her wrong by marrying her and adopting our daughter. I really don't understand that one, either. My last idea is that I was supposed to let her figure out the affair wasn't what she wanted, and be a stable plan B, and refusing to do that meant that I didn't care, so F--- me. I've also been told (and I think sandi would probably agree with this one) that she's been used to me doing anything to keep the peace, and she's enraged that I won't do that anymore (my mother says XW was always very controlling, and probably resents that loss of control over me).
Beyond that? I could have handled this better. I've posted almost everything in these threads, but not completely everything. I remember saying some hurtful things in May trying to "wake her up" so she could be at least be a mom again. I accept that I was half that marriage, and that half of the responsibility for it ending is on me. I really wasn't good for being much more than a father and a provider for the year or so before BD. I really did change A LOT for the better after BD. I can understand why someone would be hurt by that.
In the end, though? I don't think the "why" matters (that's a big one for me. I always NEED "why" for anything. Letting that go in this has been one of the harder things I've done in life) because that wondering is just another word for "attachment" and "why" isn't going to provide some key to defusing the situation. So just live through it somehow, try my damned hardest for D and be the best dad I can be, be the best man I can be for myself, be the best boyfriend I Can be for GF, and work to make my life as good as it can be.
